Rituals :: Writing + Drinking

As February is winding down, I realize that I haven't come to this space to write much this month.  To be perfectly honest, I have a hard time sitting down and sharing what's on my mind.  Part of me feels like who would want to read that?  While the other part of me knows just how much I get out of reading the work of other bloggers/writers and gleaning advice or shared experiences from their generous words.

I've been reading a lot of books about the craft of writing (like this one, this one and this one) and figured out that most writers are a little gun shy when they share their words with the world.  Also, editors are key.  When I write, I worry so much about the punctuation and structure of my blog posts that they end up taking me hours to write.  I'm my worst critic and I'm also a little bit afraid to be judged by what I'm putting out there.

Last week, my son shared some of his best work (according to him) from his sixth grade english class.  His favorite writing exercise is called a Six Minute Quick Write.  You sit down, set the timer and write whatever you want, quickly and fluidly, until the six minutes is up.  He stressed that you can finish your last sentence, but don't edit while you're writing.  Just write.

I love this quick write concept.  Aren't sixth grade english teachers the best?  Here's what he had to say about it:

"I know that Quick Writes aren't graded, but I really like them because they are a time to say how you feel about a certain topic and clear your mind.  I think they are a really good way to start your morning." - Grady, age 11

Gosh, I love this kid.  And his teacher really inspires him.  

Well this inspired me in a big way.  Therefore, I'm going to jump right in and attempt daily quick writes on my blog starting on March 1st.  No editing, no struggling with formatting, no photo collages or time spent editing photos.  Just me, sitting at my desk first thing in the morning and typing for six minutes.  I'm not going to overthink it.  I'm just going to write whatever is on my mind and hit publish.  I'm looking forward to this new daily ritual and hope it stretches me when it comes to writing (and sharing) on this blog.

February in Sonoma County means that everything is coming into bloom.  The magnolia tree branches are heavy and dripping with pink blossoms, daffodils line the roadsides and wide-open fields are a sea of yellow mustard.  Buds are breaking in the vineyards and camellia flowers litter the walkway into my office.  Hardy calla lilies shoot up overnight in my flower beds and the hillsides are thick and limber with fluorescent green grasses.

I love January for its quiet approval to hibernate, but I love February for it's unabashed beauty and reminder that, well, we have a long year ahead of us and I, too, want to bloom this year.  I like to take this time to plan out family vacations, read as much as humanly possible, hunker down and binge-watch tv series with my husband during this second month of the year.

Redhill Trail || Sonoma Coast || Valentine's Day || 73 degrees

February has also held a new focus for me.  My health.  I'm working on instituting a consistent exercise regime into my weekly routine.  Early morning stretching and occasional meditation, Zumba classes and local hikes.  

I've chosen to abstain from alcohol indefinitely.  

Let me say that again, so that it can sink in.

I've chosen to abstain from alcohol indefinitely.  

And while writing about this feels a little weird, I also want to be honest with myself and anyone reading here about how hard this actually is.  I haven't gone this long without drinking since I was pregnant with my son 12 years ago.  I used to own a wine bar and drinking was part of my profession.  I've been reading a lot of this woman's blog posts about her wine-free journey and it's been a powerful source of inspiration.  

I'm an all or nothing type of gal and I have long searched for balance in the adult beverage department.  I feel like I've tried the all model  and need to try the nothing model on for size.  And let's face it, I'm not getting any younger.  I can't keep indulging in wine and cocktails at no cost.  I have several health issues I'm working on getting under control and the simple fact of the matter is that drinking is not helping.

I haven't been a mindful drinker since I started drinking.  All or nothing may be considered the same thing to some, but I've got to give it a try and find out.

I can do this.  

I am doing this.  

I'm on Day 20 of my self-imposed alcohol ban and I feel really, really good about it.  

The positive take-aways have been that I'm finally sleeping through the night for the first time in years.  I have considerably more patience for my kid, my husband and everyday frustrations.  I've been waking up early and starting my day with quiet reflection and writing down my intentions for the next 24 hours.  

Addiction runs in my family and I just need to hit the pause button long enough for me to ponder why it is I like to drink.  It's hard to put this out there, but I know I need to do it to make myself accountable for this overindulgent habit I've curated over the years.  Living in wine country has been good and bad for me.  It's time to take stock of how I socialize and what's most important to me.

And with these soul-baring words, I'm going to switch gears.  I've said a lot here and I'm feeling really anxious about my new journey.  Thanks for listening.

I wanted to thank you for your kind words on my recently published essay, The Window for Play, featured on Rachel Cedar's 28 Day of Play blogger series.  Click here to read.  That piece was hard to write, but I'm glad it resonated with others.  I felt hugged by the comments and encouraged to do more truth-telling with my writing.

My new daily rituals of writing, as well as abstaining from alcohol, feel a little scary.  But I'm going to push forward and try it on for size.  As my clean & sober brother recently shared with me - The only side effect of not drinking is that you will feel really good.  What's so scary about that?  

Right, brother.  So right.

And with that - I'm out.  

xoxo,

Tammi

Apartment Therapy's January Cure :: Part Two

When I cannot bear outer pressures anymore, 

I begin to put order in my belongings…

As if unable to control my life, 

I seek to exert this on the world of objects.  

Anaïs Nin 

As the month of January came to an end, my list of projects for Apartment Therapy's January Cure had many lines drawn through it.   Items big and small were crossed off, a highlighter drawn over priority to do items and margin notes with measurements or notes to self for future plans.

A lot was accomplished and a lot more still needs to be done.  It was a great way start to the new year.

Grady's Room
My son's bedroom was the least of my worries this year.  That's not to say it flew under the radar during this round of the Cure, but it's good enough for now.  We purged three tsotchke shelves, tidied up his closet, purged his shoe collection, cleared his desktop and added a small chair for additional seating.  I also purged the excess linens I house on the top shelves of his closet.  We spent one hour on his room.

We will revisit his room design this summer and brainstorm new paint colors or wallpaper options.  Moving the furniture around might happen, too, and we'll need to work on sturdier hardware for his window treatments.  Also, I'm going to keep my eye out on Craig's List for a rug for this space.

The Laundry Room
This room is nestled between my kitchen and our tiny entryway.  It is a catch all for many things.  Cleaning supplies are stored in the lower white cupboard, out of sight.  Extra pantry items, as well as my cookbooks, kitchen towels & Dyson hand vacuum live in the top cupboards.

The green picnic basket on top of the dryer usually holds small gifts or books to use as hostess gifts.  Steve has an exposed cubby for his mail, wallet and other small items.  According to Apartment Therapy's guidelines, this would be considered his Landing Strip.  I know there's another meaning for this phrase, but stay with me here, friends.  Let's keep it clean.

The laundry room housed my Outbox during the Cure, but now it's free and clear of all of that mess purgatory.  The white shelf is primarily used to hold our library bags, outgoing mail or items that I need to return to friends.  I guess it's always been used as an Outbox.  The three baskets hold our dirty clothes.  Darks, whites & items to take to the dry cleaner.  I throw a load of laundry in almost every morning and this helps keep these baskets from overflowing.

The Entryway
Nothing much happened in the entryway.  Excess shoes were put away, the small rug vacuumed and the slider tracks were deep cleaned.  A few years ago we added these Flor carpet tiles and I love them.  We haven't had to replace any yet, but it would be easy to do so with the spare tiles we have on hand.

The Master Bedroom (aka - "The January Cure Project")
I posted a few before and in-progress pictures on my last past about the Cure.  This is a shot of an empty room.  I cleaned baseboards and window sills, cleaned the wood floors and said to goodbye to our old bed after a quick sale on Craig's List.

Our room is approximately 11' x 8' feet.  The new platform bed (with storage) takes up 7-1/4' x 5-3/4' - it's a tight fit, but the bed fits and we turned it so the headboard is on largest, blank wall in the room.    It looks a little boring right now, but the plan is to ditch the set of dresser drawers on the right and store those items of clothing in the drawers provided under the bed.  

I'm also toying around with the idea of wallpaper on this blank wall, bookshelves or a large piece of artwork.  These items are on my list and will stay there until I figure it out and run it by the husband.

We met with a local electrician over the weekend and she is going to hardwire a permanent set of reading lights above our bed, so we can get rid of these Ikea plug-in lamps.  Hallelujah!  I just hate the cords and funky look of these functional lights.  It feels like we're still in college with this get-up.  We use them every night, so they are important to us, but not the most beautiful option.  She's also going to add lighting to my hall clothing closet and my son's bedroom closet.  Let there be light!

We're also exploring the possibility of using stools (inspired by these) as our bedside tables, but we only have 13" to work with on either side.  In the end, Steve may just build a set of simple floating shelves for each side of the bed that can be used to store our nightly glass of water, book, eyeglasses and small electronics.

The master closet is predominately utilized by my husband.  I do have two shelves for jeans and t-shirts, but most of my clothing & shoes are housed in the converted water heater closet in the hall,  just outside our bedroom.

The simple pine racks with pegs that hang behind our bedroom door save the day.  I use them to hang our baseball caps on the upper level and use the lower rack for bathrobes, my rotating cardigan sweater collection, as well as scarves and tank tops.  It's not glamorous, but it works and it's hidden behind the door when it's open.

I had the jewelry hutch custom-made about 13 years ago.  It is a dreamy little cabinet that houses all of my baubles, plus Steve's watch collection.  I purged it and reorganized it during this month's Cure and now have an empty drawer.  I'm sure that won't stay empty for very long.

I also picked up a set of curtain rods for our bedroom this week.  I thrifted a set of sturdy chocolate brown panels by Woolworth a few weeks back.  My husband has agreed to hang them in the near future.

The Living Room
Last year I worked on my living room as my January Cure Project and accomplished quite a bit.  However, the artwork I was going to get framed...never got framed.  Surprised?  I'm not.  I'm taking the piece down down today (I hung it up with washi tape and it's been that way for 365 days) rolling it up and placing it in a cardboard tube.  I'll take it to the framer next weekend.  I promise.

I popped into Target this week to grab a few new throw pillows for the couch.  All three were on sale and I'd been coveting them since the holidays.  I'm drawn to mustards and golds lately and love the look of these on my beige couch.

Well, 106 magazines were housed in my living room, mostly hidden in the drawers of our  rehbilitated mid-century dressesr-turned-media stand that I thrifted a few years back for $3 and Steve brought back to life.  I ended up donating 72 periodicals to the local library and unsubscribed to Sweet Paul, Sunset, Taproot, Cook's and Audubon.  I also put a hold on my Sunday New York Times subscription until the end of Spring.  I have a lot of reading to catch up on and my magazine problem was getting out. of. control.

I'm on the hunt for a new side table to replace the blue one I pulled out of my bedroom during the new bed installation.  For now, it will stay in the living room until another one finds me while I'm out thrifting.

I've also asked my husband to install two bookshelves above my desk in the living room.  For a girl that loves books as much as I do, I can't believe I don't have any bookshelves in my bedroom or above my desk.  He's added this request to his honey-do list and I can't wait to fill those shelves.

The Landing Strip
My desk acts as The Landing Strip and I'm pretty fastidious about tidying up loose paperwork and incoming mail by the end of each day, as my desk sits in the corner of our living room for all to see.  I have an acrylic box that houses a few file folders for bills to be paid, tax & school paperwork and monthly receipts.  I have to start and end the day with a clean desk.  It's just the way I work.  But in the middle of the day?  It looks like this!

The Digital Dump
I got a lot done in the Digital Dump department and found this to be a good use of time during the last week of the Cure.  I was kind of over purging cabinets and cleaning my house at this point, but going through email folders and dumping old and irrelevant documents was liberating.  I also created a better file folder system for storing years worth of taxes and Grady's artwork.  There is still a lot of room for improvement, but it was a start.

The Master (aka - Only) Bathroom
Our house is less than 1,000 square feet and has only one bathroom.  We renovated this room when we purchased the house and made good use of the space.  Not a lot was done in here during this round of the Cure.  I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week and she did all the deep cleaning on my to-do list.  And, yes, I love her.

I cleaned out under the sink, ditched old washcloths, organized the drawers and went through our medicine cabinet boxes (which are housed in our slender wine-slash-linen closet just outside of the bathroom).  I found old prescriptions, sunscreens and makeup that needed to be tossed.

The Outbox
The Outbox concept is one I have adopted from my prior participation in the Cure.  It is crucial in helping break the bond some stuff has over me and makes it easier to see leave the house and, in turn, my life.

I read Marie Kondo's new book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing earlier this month.  I didn't love the book as a whole, but I did appreciate her advice about holding an object in your hands before you decide to keep, donate or toss.  I think there is some power in that advice.  Also, her question about does an item spark joy? resonated with me and I posed it to myself on more than one occasion during the Cure.

All in all, my house feels really clean and organized.  My husband was instrumental in some of the big changes and I would definitely sign-up again for next year's January Cure.

The marked-up to-do list is going to reside on my desk for the next few weeks and then I'll put it away.  I'll tackle a few more things this month.  But first, I want to sit down and read a bunch of magazines.

January :: My Favorite Month

My favorite month of the year, January, is almost over.  So much has happened these past four weeks, while at the same time I feel some of that time was paused, leaving me feeling restored and rested.  Sounds like January has a little bit of a split personality, eh?  The first month of the year holds so much promise for me.  I have consciously slowed down, accomplished several home projects while working on Apartment Therapy's :: The January Cure for the third year in a row and I made an effort to get in the kitchen and cook healthier meals at home.  Yes, a good slow-down was definitely in order.

The first order of business was to carve out more time to read the printed word (not the internet).  The holidays tend to swallow me up and my brain is so full of tasks that need to be done that I can't focus on serious reading (or even reading for pleasure).  I couldn't even read a magazine during the month of December, so I'm jumping back into the habit and catching up on old newspapers, periodicals and New York Times Book Reviews.  I just finished reading my book club selection for the February meeting, A Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes.

I found a new book that I fell in love with and I must share.  It's a graphic novel that I ordered from the library for Grady, but I was drawn in by the incredible story and beautiful, colorful graphics.  It was one of those books that I had to purchase for our home library.  Now, I'm pretty selective about what books I want to own and this one makes me incredibly happy.  I even purchased two more to gift to friends.  Funny, witty, dark, some curse words & a be-heading, but in the most wonderful way.  The Encyclopedia of Early Earth by Isabel Greenberg is a gem.  You can read NPR's review of the book here.

Speaking of books, Grady is currently reading The Fault in our Stars by John Green.  Let me back up.  We rented the movie from the mobile library a few weeks ago and sat down to watch it with him last weekend.  I prefaced the movie with a little talk about how it might be a little heavy for him - you know with the terminally ill teenagers, short sex scene and a heart wrenching funeral, just to name a few.  He said he would tell me to stop the movie if it was too much for him.

Well, it was a lot for him, for us.  We sat there with tears streaming down both of our faces through much of the end of the movie.  My son nestled into the crook of my arm and quietly sobbed.  We had a good talk about life, death, friendship and horrible diseases.  This also gave us the opportunity to talk about the pettiness of gossip, what's important in life and how to find beauty in our everyday lives.

G just so happened to be collecting change this week for a school fundraiser on behalf of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Pennies for Patients campaign.   Timing is everything, right?

The next morning we were drawing & painting in our sketchbooks and he asked if he could look up quotes from the movie.  We continued talking about those heavy themes while creating art around some of the powerful phrases from the book/movie.  This was such a wonderful parenting moment.  Witnessing my son being vulnerable and sensitive, but also knowing he's smart enough and ready to broach conversations about big topics, like life and death.  These moments are the wonderful side-effects of being a mother and they are quite unexpected.  I never gave much thought to this phase of being a parent and it's just so, so good right now.  My fears at the beginning of the school year have subsided and I'm settling into my role as the mom of a sixth grader.

Speaking of Grady getting older, I received a letter from him last week via the Tooth Fairie.  It made my heart just about burst and then put a smile on my face for the next few hours.

So, here is my tooth.  

Sorry I don't believe in you anymore (and I mean the tooth fairy, 

not you mom), but I am a little too old.  

It just happens, right?  Well, thanks for the exciting 

ride as the tooth fairy, for me having such delight 

as a kid to find out a fairy gave 

me money and for being my loyal "Fairy Bank."  

Well, nite!

The note was unsigned, but Grady is 11-3/4 years old - it was time.  The tooth fairie jig is up and it's bittersweet, but I think I'm finally ready to put all the make-believe magic behind me, too.  He lost two teeth this week.  He's growing up so fast.

This month found me looking back on my life and pondering my crooked path to the mother I am today.  I was invited to contribute an essay to the 28 Days of Play series created by the smart and talented New York mama, Rachel Cedar.  I connected with Rachel through Instagram a year or so ago and feel absolutely honored to contribute to the conversation on how we play (or don't play) with our children in this modern day and age.  I had to dig deep and can't wait to share my essay, along with all of the other talented writers, next month.  Stay tuned!

Last year I embarked on a drawing-a-day journal project that I'm super proud of.  I didn't want to commit to a daily exercise again this year and instead have decided to use both pages of my sketchbook and stretch my exercises into several days (or weeks, if needed).  

We're training for another hike up Mt. Rainier later this year.  We will revisit the part of the mountain that we partially climbed in 2011 and you can read about that wild trip here.  Steve will be joining us this time around.

We're lucky enough to only have to drive 30 minutes and arrive at the Armstrong Redwoods in Guerneville, California.  Having lived in Sonoma County for 13 years, I can't believe I've never hiked underneath this amazing canopy of giant trees.  The hike made me feel small and grateful and restored.  I love how nature can do that to me.

As always, the children lead me and my dear friend on these hikes and we quite like watching them run, jump, laugh and have fun with each other.  They are growing up right before our eyes and these Saturday morning excursions are really special.

January is my favorite month of the year because it's allows me a stretch of days wherein I can reorganize my home and mind.  It's like a month-long reset button for my life.  I look forward to it every year and get a little melancholy as we approach the 31st day.  The upside?  February is my second favorite month.

Quote in Stephen King's Memoir of the Craft "On Writing"

Well, I started this blog post at 6 o'clock this morning and since then I've made breakfast and lunch, taken my son to school, hit three grocery stores & shopped for new pillows & curtain rods at Target.  I stopped by my work office and typed up the last remaining 1099 tax forms that need to be mailed out today and came home and unloaded all the groceries.

It's 1:27 in the afternoon and sunny outside.  I'm going to grab a book, throw on a sundress and say goodbye to this freakishly warm Friday in January out on my front deck.

And, well, I've got to make time to read, so I can make time and have the tools to keep writing, right?

Happy weekend, friends.

Apartment Therapy's January Cure 2015 :: Part One

The Ponderosa :: January 2015

Just like clockwork, I'm up in the middle of the night struggling with sleep.  Every year around this time, sleep eludes me.  My mind seems filled with ideas and running to-do lists and I wake up with the need to write or put my thoughts on paper.

Organizing my home and putting things in order at the beginning of the calendar year is a big ritual for me.  I shared a little bit about my tendencies back in 2012.  Around this time, I picked up a book called Apartment Therapy: The Eight Step Home Cure by Maxwell Ryan (the founder and creator of Apartment Therapy).  The book had these great principles for organizing small spaces and it helped me with a little spring cleaning that year.  I signed up for their daily emails about designing for small spaces and that's where I learned about their January Cure.  You can read more about it here.

I've participated for the past couple of years and you can see my posts about it here and here.

This year, I sent out a bulk email to some of my like-minded friends to see if they wanted to participate and about a dozen said yes!  Accountability really helps to motivate me and I hoped it would also motivate my friends participating in the January Cure.

My kitchen (after) + My January Cure Project List(s)

The crux of the January Cure is making your List of Projects.  I modify this a bit by only making one huge list, highlighting 3 - 5 projects for each room that I want to tackle.  This list ends up being about six pages long with the categories being Living Room, Entryway, Laundry Room, Kitchen, Bathroom, Master Bedroom & Grady's Room.  I leave Steve's office and G's art studio off the list because, hey, I'm a realist.  I also know that if I added them, it would just be too much and it would discourage me before I even start.  The January Cure team encourages  you to make another project list from this list, but I feel like that's just way too many lists!  Yes, even for a list-lover like myself, so I just put these seven pages on a clipboard, highlight the doable items that are most important to accomplish and keep it on my desk for easy reference.

Setting up an Outbox is another key component to the January Cure and mine would live in the laundry room, where I would see it when I walked by and could easily add items to be donated, moved to another part of the house and/or sit here in the outbox purgatory until I decided what I wanted to do with it.  This outbox concept is key to the success of the January Cure.  It allows you to keep your focus on the daily assignments and not get stuck in the more of the details of where to put the items deposited there.  Here's Apartment Therapy's Outbox rules:

My laundry room Outbox during week one of the January Cure

OUTBOX RULES 
1. Anything can go in the Outbox
2. The Outbox is allowed to get messy
3. Everything must stay in the Outbox for at least one week
4. After that time you have several choices
a. Take anything back out
b. Leave anything you are undecided about for one more week
c. Dispose of the rest by moving to the garbage, recycling bin, or giveaway pile 
Once you get used to separating first and disposing of later, you'll find that clearing clutter gets easier and easier. 

This is hard for me because I don't want to leave a big mess out where I can see it, but it does help break the emotional hold some items have over me.  My Outbox is growing and I finally addressed some items that I knew exactly what to do with.  The other items that are in flux are still in the Outbox.

My goal project for this year's January Cure is our bedroom.  Our bedroom is tiny and in no way feels like a "master" anything.  There isn't even room for a proper dresser.  My husband's wardrobe occupies most of the closet in our room and my clothing and shoes live in a small closet he converted for me a few years ago, just outside our bedroom door.  Living in a 1950's farmhouse has its perks, but it also has many, many challenges.  Making the most of our space in the bedroom has been a conversation topic since we purchased the house eight years ago.

Queen sized bed made of hardwood (Ash, we think) sold on Craig's List in a flash!

I quickly snapped a few photos of our 15 year old bed frame (above) and it was sold to the first person who replied, a 70 year old guy named Richard who told me he found his wife on Craig's List, too.  No joke.  Long story that I won't bore you with here, but the Craig's List karma was good for this bedroom renovation and I liked that.  Plus, the bed would only really cost us the U-haul fee.  Win-win.

Works In Progress :: New storage bed with  headboard + closet purge

We've talked about getting a platform bed from Pottery Barn for years, but I just couldn't justify the $1,900 price tag.  Searching Craig's List a few days after the new year yielded me several viable options.  I was one day too late in obtaining the very bed from Pottery Barn that we had been coveting!  And, it was only $200!  This reignited my search and the very next day I found a platform storage bed with headboard manufactured by Stanley Furniture and I quickly negotiated the deal, sweetly asked my husband if he would be the manual labor and rented a U-haul for the weekend roundtrip to Oakland to pick up the bed.  I'll share the final bedroom project photos in my final post on the January Cure later in the month.

Spice cabinet purge was long OVERDUE

While Steve was driving to-and-fro last Saturday, it gave me an entire day alone (he took G along for the ride) to deep clean my bedroom and then turn my attention to the kitchen assignment.  I was a woman on a mission and purged the pantry, vacuumed drawers, deep cleaned my refrigerator and was ruthless with purging my spice cabinet & the drawers that housed my kitchen utensils - some that we hadn't used in years.   I mean, who was I kidding?  A mellon-baller?  That thing had been collecting dust since the 1990's.  Buh-bye.

It's not all sunshine and pretty pictures at The Ponderosa (yes, we call out place The Ponderosa).  This Virgo is pretty good about the surfaces looking neat and tidy in my home, but open a drawer or closet?  Oh, hell no.  Most of the time you would find a hot mess inside these drawers and cabinets...but not this month!

The rest of the assignments have been pretty easy and I decluttered a few drawers on Thursday and marked those pesky jobs off of my pending List of Projects.  Again, any place in my home where I can hide the mess - I will.  The only bright side to this is that my home is small, less than 1,000 square feet, and when I set my mind to cleaning and decluttering it really doesn't take that long.

I've set in motion a few jobs that I needed to outsource, like calling an electrician to install wall-mounted reading lights above our bed.  We also used that U-haul rental truck to load up yard detritus, a non-working satellite dish and our old set of boxsprings and Steve transported it to the local dump.  See?  I've even got him in on the January Cure.

That's it for now.  It's almost five a.m. and I'm about to tackle the drawers that house my magazines and old newspapers.

I can't be stopped.

Happy New Year 2015 :: Shed

The new year started off kind of slow for me, which was exactly how I needed it to be.  The end of the year reflections always help me out in framing up and taking stock of where I am in my life, as well as giving me pause to think about what I'd like to accomplish when the calendar flips over into the next year.

As I shared in my last post, I usually pick a word for the year and write it down on an index card, think about what that word will mean for the coming 12 months and post it on the bulletin board just above my desk (where I will see it every day).  This year I really wanted to get rid of a few things; both figuratively and literally.  Debt, weight, health concerns, and a cumbersome investment property have weighed heavily on my mind for years and I want to lighten the burden for me and for my family.  Inherited fears about life, creative self-doubt, "things" around our home that we do not love or no longer bring joy to our lives need to be purged from my mind and my surroundings in order to bring calm into my day(s).

shed²

SHed/

verb

verb: shed; 3rd person present: sheds; past tense: shed; past participle: shed; gerund or present participle: shedding

1. (of a tree or other plant) allow (leaves or fruit) to fall to the ground.

   "both varieties shed leaves in winter"

   • (of a reptile, insect, etc.) allow (its skin or shell) to come off, to be replaced by another one that has grown underneath.

     synonyms:

     slough off, cast off, molt "the caterpillar shed its skin"

   • (of a mammal) lose (hair) as a result of molting, disease, or age.
   • take off (clothes).

     synonyms:

     take off, remove, shrug off, discard, doff, climb out of, slip out of, divest oneself of, peel off "we shed our jackets"

     antonyms:

     don

   • discard (something undesirable, superfluous, or outdated).

     "what they lacked was a willingness to shed the arrogance of the past"

     synonyms:

     lose, get rid of, discard More

     antonyms:

     put on, adopt, keep

   • have the property of preventing (something) from being absorbed.

     "this leather has a superior ability to shed water, sweat, and salt"
   • eliminate part of (an electrical power load) by disconnecting circuits.

     
     

     
     

I almost picked the phrase Shake It Off, but felt like Taylor Swift would be in my head most of the time.  No, I definitely didn't need that.  I love the synonyms for shed - slough off, case off, molt, take off, remove, shrug off, discard, doff, climb out of, slip out of, divest oneself of, and peel off.  

This year has so many opportunities for growth and change.  I want to feel lighter and less encumbered by the trappings of life and the rut of routines that no longer serve me.  I'm excited.

My father used to always say you need to walk the walk and not just talk the talk.  This phrase kept looping in my brain and the word shed seemed like the simplest way to remind me of a great many things.  Wish me luck?

We juiced four out of five days this week.  That seems reasonable and I completely utilized my CSA box from our local farm.  The kale usually languishes in my crisper drawer and I feel guilty for not wanting to eat it, but this week I juiced it instead.  Steve is usually the juice maker in our house, but he is NOT a morning person.  I found I was waiting for him to get up and make it and by then we were usually running late with getting out the door.   The juice window would close and I would just drink coffee and skip breakfast.  Well, not this week.  I boiled a half dozen eggs to keep handy in the fridge for a quick breakfast and drank the electric drink elixir without making a face.  Honest.

Ms. Paltrow's green juice is super bright and delicious (and I'm a tough critic!).  I think the lemon is the trick.  I used a Meyer lemon and nixed the mint, but only because I was too lazy to go out and pick some.  I'll add it next week.

Best Green Juice 
from Gwyneth Paltrow's book It's All Good

Serves 1
5 large leaves of kale, ribs discarded, roughly chopped
1 lemon, zest and pith removed
1 large apple, roughly chopped
A 1-inch piece of ginger
1 sprig fresh mint

Push all ingredients through juicer

Last year, one of Grady's goals for 2014 was to learn how to skateboard.  Mid-year he made it happen.  He's come a long way in six months and it both delights me and scares me (broken bones!).  I need to lighten up, encourage him and just make sure I know the fastest way to Kaiser Hospital.

This year he resolved to climb (part of) Mt. Rainier with his god sisters, again.  We did this back in 2011 and it was the most incredible experience.  He'll be four years older and absolutely capable.  We're going to do it as a family, so it's on my 2015 list, too.

Treated myself to a beautiful 'Lauren' leather double clutch by Hobo.  I had been saving my Mamalode commission checks with the thought that I should spend the money I earned for writing and illustrating on something that would remind me of how I earned it.  I'm a thrifter at heart, but buying a good, quality product that will last a long time is important to me, too.  This clutch will serve as my wallet and can easily transition into an evening bag.  I absolutely love it.

Last year I took several workshops that really helped me stay on my creative path.  Artist Lisa Congdon's basic line drawing class was by far the most influential for me.  I viewed the classes online while we were in Costa Rica by logging onto Creativebug's website.  You can take an unlimited amount of classes via their website for $9.95 a month and they offer a 14 day free trial.  

This time around, I signed up for Lisa's sketchbook explorations class.  This week we worked on watercolor backgrounds and the addition of black Micron pens.  I already use these tools in my journaling, but I was hoping to pick up some of her tricks of the trade, as well as design and composition tips.

I had the good fortune to take a workshop with Lisa in person last year at the San Francisco Makeshift Society.  Her 3+ hour talk was on professional illustration and how to get your work seen and get paid for your art.  Two months after this class, I did my first illustration work for Mamalode.com.  Coincidence?  Maybe, but I was ready to tackle my first print job due to the knowledge so generously shared by one of my favorite artists.

More workshops are on the horizon with calligraphy, hand lettering and whiskey topping the list for 2015.

As much as I've loved my subscription to the Sunday New York Times, I think I need to put my weekly love affair with the newspaper on hold.  It's felt like treading water trying to keep up with reading the paper and its magazine inserts the last six weeks or so.  I have a backlog to catch up on and I haven't made time for books.  And I love books.

We continue to visit our local library about once or twice a week and the mobile library comes to a town nearby every other week.  Since we are in a rural area, our book requests go to the top of the queue with the mobile library system in Marin County.  What that means is that when we request books, we usually get them.  In my case, I get them all at once!  This week's haul has so many goodies.  I have a lot of reading to do.

My husband witnessed two red-tailed hawks fighting over this western meadowlark just outside his office last weekend.  I've never seen this type of bird around our property, but learned from a friend, Sarah,  that the western meadowlark is Montana's state bird and has the most beautiful song.

We skipped our usual bird burial rituals and decided to leave it where the red-tailed hawks could come back and retrieve this yellow-chested beauty.  Honestly, we didn't need another bird buried on our property, especially since I was trying to shed and release things back into the universe.  This seemed like the perfect small act to burn this concept on my brain.

Walk the walk echoed in my ears.  Just walk the walk and shed my instinct to perform a funeral for this little avian creature.  The act of burying dead animals on our property was more for the sake of teaching my child about the circle of life when he was younger.  We would have sweet conversations about life and death and the importance of honoring and remembering animals and people you loved.  He's 11 now and I know he gets it.  He kind of always has and I think when I was giving him those little talks, they were helping me as much as they were helping him.  I would choose nature over nurture this time around and so the bird was placed under our oak tree, also known as the scene of the crime.

The little meadowlark ended up shedding five pretty feathers during its battle with the red-tailed hawks.  I gathered the tiny, grey striped plumage from the ground and placed them a little vase on my desk to serve as a reminder of my intention for this year.  

Shed...

Be the verb, Tammi, be the verb.