Word(s) of the Day :: P thru V

Our mother-son art journaling alphabet project is still moving along.  For more background on how this started, feel free to check out my previous blog posts here, here and here.

Left (Grady) :: Plunge(R)
Right (Me) :: Plunge! into the water

We are having a lot of fun with words and our interpretations of them.

Left (Me) :: Quake! facts
Right (Grady) :: Quake! picturing his father & his four-pack stomach & crazy morning hair

Real life occurrences, like the Napa earthquake, have influenced our word choices and have sparked unexpected conversations and future design ideas.

Above (Me) :: REED
Below (Grady) :: REEDs + purple gallinule floating on the water

My husband's mother's maiden name was Reid and his father's middle name is Reed.  I wanted to name our unborn son Reed, but the name Grady ultimately stuck.

Above (Me) :: Sublime
Below (Grady) :: SUBLIME = Rainbow sherbet sunrise on the water that morphed into an ice cream sunday

Our word selections for the day conjure up the yummiest images and often instigates dessert planning for the evening ahead.

Top (Grady) :: TRIUMPH! on the soccer field
Bottom (Me) :: Triumph is my name!

Real life is seeping into our creative-filled mornings.  A soccer victory and G's first goal in years found its spot on the page when we chose Triumph as our word for the day last week.  I experimented with a made-up girl named Triumph and played around with color, shape, graphite pencils & I drew and painted without a pre-determined finish line.

Left (Grady) :: Uprising as inspired by the Percy Jackson series
Right (Me) :: UPRISING golden sunrise

After reading this book about how different artists utilize their sketchbooks, we were inspired to give ours a little more time and attention.  I was particularly moved by the colorful & graphic sketchbook pages of Madrid-based artist, Pep Carrió, and his musings on why he keeps a sketchbook.  His parting words were My sketchbooks are my warehouses of memory.  Oh, how I loved that concept.

We decided to paint several pages with different base colors and let them dry overnight.  The result was a more layered and thoughtful approach, as we weren't trying to reach the finish line with our entry for the day in 15-20 minutes.  Instead, we took our time.  We just so happened to finalize our Uprising paintings on 9/11.  Grady's Empire State Building was inspired by a Percy Jackson book he was reading, but it just so happened to help us discuss the horrific events of 9/11 and recall where we were on that fateful day.  I felt like my painting and interpretation of the word was hopeful and put a positive ending to our talks about life and loss, good and evil, what we believe in and how we should treat people.

Top (Me) :: VIGOR
Below (Grady) :: Vigor inspired by the definition of the word

Picking our word for the day has morphed in concept.  What started out as a perusal of our household thesaurus has turned into a back-and-forth conversation about what words make us quickly visualize an image or what the true definition of the word is.  We try to pick a word that we can quickly identify with and/or conceptualize almost immediately and get to work on it straight away.

This project is marrying my love of words and letters, children's art and color in the most wonderful way.

Word(s) of the Day :: F thru O

What started out as a solution for hitting an art journaling wall, so to speak, has turned into a really sweet pocket of time where I get to talk, laugh and create with my son.  I wrote about the beginning of this project here.

Top :: Forward Motion by me
Bottom :: Forward by Grady (the sign says TO DREAM LAND)

We have strayed from the thesaurus and are picking words that bring up a visual image to one or the both of us.  We play around with words, look up definitions and joke about how horrible Roget is (G thinks his copy of Roget's mini thesaurus is the worst and I tend to agree with him.).

Top :: Grow [UP] by Grady
Bottom :: Grow by Me

The time we're spending together on this project isn't forced and it's definitely not happening every day.  When we have time in the morning, I'll ask him if he wants to work on our project.  Some days he's up for it and some days he's not.  I'm listening to him and proceeding with my own daily journaling, hoping he'll join me the next day or the day after that - when he's ready.  I've also found that it's almost always better if I ask him after he's eaten breakfast.  Lessons learned the hard way.  He needs food before he can create - just like I need coffee.

Top :: Home by Me
Bottom :: [My] Home by Grady

Some days he's just not that into it and he'll just sit and talk to me while I draw.  He always acts astonished when he sees the end result.  It's the nicest, sweetest reaction a mom could hope for.  When he's working beside me, we always have in depth conversations about art or artists, what he's reading and what the plans are for the coming day.  It's such a great way to check in with him and see how he's feeling and what's on his mind.  This is also a great time to tease his father on all manner of things (i.e., his morning hair, his choice of clothing, his mood).  Steve just quietly observes us, raises an eyebrow and keeps on moving.

Left :: Imagine by Me
Right :: Imagine by Grady (the floating white animals are clouds that are meant to look like animals)

I've also been using this project as an experiment in hand lettering and testing out color combinations and writing styles.

Top :: Jabberwocky by Me
Bottom :: Jabberwocky by Grady [inspired by the art of Justin Hillgrove]

G spent three hours on this Jabberwocky illustration.   We read the poem several times and talked with accents while we were drawing.  We're silly like that.

Kaleidoscope
Left :: Grady
Right :: Me

This project has definitely been a lot more rewarding than the obligatory drawing-a-day he was doing on his iPad in the Brushes application.  He is totally over that app and hasn't even gone back on it since mid-July.  He used it every day for six and a half months and then…nothing.  Ultimately, it was just a way to finagle more iPad time out of me.  He's totally over it.

Left :: Liquid by Grady
Right :: Liquid [Sunshine] by Me

And while some of this exercise feels silly, it also feels good.  The end result is not the prize.  Rather, the time spent at the table with my son is.  And silly can be good for you, right?

Mammoth
Left :: Grady (shot with arrows and stepping on his father…)
Right :: Me

We've found humor and common ground in and around our art journaling, again.

Left :: Never! by Grady (inspired by Peter Pan)
Right :: Never[ending] by Me

He has helped pull me into a more imaginative world and I'm noticing how that frees me up to experiment with new ideas and concepts without overthinking them.

I've also been sharing our Word of the Day Project on Instagram and receiving kind feedback, as always, from that forum.  It's fun to hear we are inspiring other mothers & their wee ones out there to sit down and work together at their own kitchen tables.

Top :: Owl [Nest] by Me
Bottom :: Owl [Feathers] by Grady

I've noticed that when I'm stuck on a word for the day, it's so lovely to watch how Grady tries to help me.  He came up with the owl nest concept (above) because he knows that drawing animals aren't your favorite, right mom?  Translation :: I can't draw animals.

It's heartwarming to me to witness how he has encouraged me with my drawing and adventures in art over the last few years.  He's always reminding me that how I draw is perfectly imperfect and that I am an artist.  When he says this I just smile.  He's heard these words from me for years and now he's reversing our roles and being my cheerleader.

How perfectly perfect.

Free-Range Summer School

Summer always starts out with big plans, goals, lists and we go into it with a kind of maniacal mother-son gusto that probably concerns my husband, but we push ahead anyway.  We like the talk, the planning, the possibility for fun experiences.  And this summer was no exception.  And when I say we, I mostly mean me.  G is always up for a good time and along for the ride, but I'm the Virgo that enjoys making a list and checking things off.

Doran Beach - June 2014

What made the list?  Skate parks, donut shops, libraries and lots of camps.  Throw in three separate family vacations in two and a half months and you have a recipe for meaningful memories peppered with a wee bit of road trip tension to keep it real. We were all in as a family.  Hip hip hooray?  Well, sort of.

Last Days of Summer Vacation @ Sebastopol Skate Park

Our days were packed with art making, reading, travel and lots of DVD rentals.  It was also full of new experiences for Grady and that brought about a shift in our parenting.  Historically, we were the planners and determined how we would spend our time.  This year?  We listened to our kid.

Shortly after school got out, Grady picked up his skateboard and wanted to hit the local skate park, noting that he had wanted to do this for the past two summers and we never took him.  It was time.  My husband took the lead on this and the boost of self-confidence it gave our son was palpable.  The actual skateboarding has come a long way since June and watching him "drop in" for the first time is a sweet memory that I will not soon forget.

A caveat to all of this skateboarding was my son's increased interest in fashion.  Particularly, his insistence on wearing his jeans with the blown out knees.

All.  Summer.  Long.

Cool jeans + XTRATUF's

Shoes and hats, friendship bracelets and pendants on chains around his neck were his flare.  Purple Nikes, Plaid D&C's & kelly green Converse were just a small portion of his tennis shoe fleet.  When donning shorts, socks also became a big part of his outfit.  Shaun White's colorful socks were IT.  Truth be told, this accessory-loving mom was all for this.  He was finding his style and feeling really good about himself.

Foot Fashion

The young men at the skate park were really kind to my son.  Sure, a lot of them cursed like sailors, but they always seemed to be nice and willing to share their space with a kid who knew absolutely nothing when he showed up on the first day of summer.  

The kindness of strangers always delights me.  As I sat on the bench at the skate park reading, sketching or checking my phone, I could hear these young men (ages 5 to 25) talking with G about form, technique or just letting him know it was okay to use the space they were all sharing.  The younger ones just wanting to chat about skate stickers or my son's hair.  It was all very sweet and it felt like a transition was happening right before my eyes AND, for once, I was really aware of it!  I grew to love the skate park and what it was offering my kid.

Library Junkie(s)

The remainder of summer was spent doing a lot of reading and making art.  Lots and lots of drawing and library visits.  I'm kind of a library addict and it feels like I get a hit every time I walk through those sliding doors.  Oh, the possibilities!  We would divide and conquer our local branch library and then treat ourselves to frozen yogurt at the shop next door.  Win-win, right?  Right.

And so, here it is.  The end of summer vacation.

Portland.  Bodega Bay.  Alaska.  I'll write about Alaska in a separate post.  It needs it's own place to shine because it was that awesome.

The end of free time.

The end of endless choices.

The end of late bedtimes.

The end of cereal for breakfast at 10 am.

We strengthened the bonds of our little family and soaked up the foggy summer nights.  We hit farmers' markets and enjoyed our new Sunday ritual of coffee & the New York Times.

Every single pair of rain boots G has ever had
All of them found new homes (except for his first pair)

And as I purge my son's room and try to create order in the chaos before the new school year commences, I'm quickly reminded of all the life he's led up until this very point.  The baseball uniforms, the basketball trophies, the rain boots…they all serve to remind me of the string of days that have been carefully stacked upon one another and given me to this strong, capable young man.

Summer seems to be a different time for learning.  And while there haven't been math books or spelling tests, there has indeed been lots of learning going on.

We have attended a sort of free-range summer school.  The kind of school that allowed us to create and make our own curriculum.  We wrote & lived many stories, painted our days with beautiful hobbies, enjoyed the peace & quiet of our home(room), as well as setting off on a few adventures during recess.

Each one of us taught the other a little something new.  I learned to sit back and watch my son fall - only to witness him getting back up and jumping on his board to try, try again.  My husband finally found the sport that would bring him closer to our son.

It felt like skateboarding was a metaphor for parenting.  Sure, we put on all of the protective gear we can by reading books on parenting and joining parent support groups.  But it seems like the only way I've really learned anything at all about parenting is by "dropping in" and making my way to the other side.  We might fall a bit in the beginning, but when we finally pop out of the bowl we will have learned something about our kid and most definitely about ourselves.

Heck, we may even high-five someone or give a chin-nod and cooly walk off the scene knowing that we just totally shredded that situation really hard.

The extra credit?  Well, that came in the form of a kid that believes in himself and realizes that it's okay if he gets a little bruised and banged up.  In fact, the failures were part of the fun.  He's more confident and self-assured after our summer together.

I give us an A for effort.

Mommy Guilt :: Lessons Learned

 

This week my mommy guilt kicked into high gear.  What should have been a week of bliss quickly turned into late night problem solving, lots and lots of tears, and cold compresses.  It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all good either  This quote by J.D. Salinger really speaks to me and I think there is definitely more than a kernel of truth to it - at least for this mother.

Bodega Harbour Pool
Art Word for the Day :: FORWARD

The third week in July signals our annual pilgrimage to Bodega Bay [a mere seven miles west of us]. Our dear friends loan us their weekend beach home and we settle in like we're on a real vacation.  Here's a few blog posts from years gone by 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010.

Sunset cocktails with the Rangels
Art word for the day :: GROW

We have friends over for sunset cocktails, easy dinners & catch up on our reading and t.v. watching.  We settle into a routine of early mornings, loading sports gear in and out of the car and we usually try really hard to disconnect from our normal lives.  These easy-breezy routines proved to be a challenge this time around.

Art Word for the Day :: HOME
Our home as viewed through the blooming Queen Anne's Lace

In the months leading up to this week, Grady told us he wasn't really into golf and the fact that he didn't want to continue taking lessons.  He shared that tennis lessons & swimming with his friends were his favorite parts of the week.  His father assured him that one day he would appreciate knowing the basics of golf and that he needed to take the lessons he signed up for.  We decided this would be the last year of making him take golf lessons, but he had to follow through with this year's commitment.  Looking back, I wish we had heeded this no golf premonition.

Sunset + hammock on the back deck
Art word for the day :: LIQUID

Grady got a major haircut during the week prior to camp and, therefore, had baby fresh skin on his neck, ears and around his hairline.  In a lame display of my mothering prowess, I neglected to put sunscreen on my son's ears and oh did they get burnt!  Like really, really fried.  Motherhood fail…big time.  He soldiered on for Day 1 of Camp and did the golf-tennis-pool circuit, but those little ears were fire engine red, swollen and hot to the touch.

Art word for the day :: KALEIDOSCOPE
Colored pencil sharpening as meditation

Our days usually start early with golf, a quick transfer to tennis, and we grab a quick lunch by the pool and he swims for hours - making new friends or reconnecting with last summer's friends.  All the while, I sit on a lounge chair and try to read.  Really, I'm watching all the connections, the laughter and looking for the signs that my kiddo has had enough.  When he finally tires of swimming, I wrap him up in a beach towel and we head home for afternoon naps.

The naked ladies are up early this year & their color is influencing my art making
Womb paintings in progress

I could tell by the look in his eyes that this boy was not okay on Day 2.  His eyeballs were bloodshot, his ears were puffed out to the max and he was warm to the touch.  We abbreviated our time spent at the pool and headed back to the beach house for a cool shower and cold compresses for his ears, which were now starting to blister.  Oh, how could I have been so stupid and forgotten the ears?

Old man sun hat became mandatory during the latter part of the week
We had unprecedented sunshine the entire week we were in Bodega Bay (usually it's grey & foggy)

It's hard to see your child lethargic and out of it, especially when you have so much fun planned for them.  In the middle of the night he woke up crying, in pain and not sure what was going on.  I washed his face with a cool washcloth and brought him to bed with us.  I stroked his brow and lulled him to sleep.  His ears were sensitive, raw and I'm pretty sure he had all of the symptoms of a mild sun stroke.   Oh, my mother's guilt was starting to set in.  It's a powerful, powerful thing.

Art word of the day :: IMAGINE
Our kitchen table during morning art sessions

He continued his lessons, but I lathered him up with sunscreen and zinc oxide.  I made him drink lots of water and eliminated the pool time from his routine.  He pushed through for the remainder of the week, but he just wasn't himself.  A sinus infection was developing, too, and we just needed to get home.  I silently promised myself that I would travel with 100 SPF sunscreen in my purse for the next 13 years.

Art word for the day :: JABBERWOCKY
Reunited with the Rangel girls upon their arrival home from a month long trip to Spain

Once we got back to our home at the end of the week, things started to improve and the brightness returned to his eyes and cheeks.  I decided to really focus on resting and getting him well, as our big trip to Alaska was on the horizon and less than a week away.

Purple potatoes from Bloomfield Organics from our CSA box
New book :: Alabama Moon by Watt Key (he can't put it down)

We lost ourselves in books and art, but not before he had another meltdown about our new daily art project that we had been working on.  He shared that he wanted to be free with his art and not have an assignment.  I had to let go, if I learned nothing over the last 10 days - I had to learn to listen to this kid and what he's feeling.  I had to pay attention to the signs and honor his words.  And, so I did.  There were tears and good talks and all that stuff that goes into making a good decision.  I would miss our mornings drawing together, but he needed a say and I needed to let him know he was heard. I have a feeling he'll be back sooner rather than later at the kitchen table.  

I'll wait.  

It'll give me a chance to absorb a big 'ole lesson in patience and give him some space.

My tendency to go full steam ahead needed to be tempered and he reminded me of that.  And while mommy's guilt is generally counter-productive, in theory, I think it was a nice big red flag for me to STOP, listen, slow down and tune in to what my kid was saying.

And, as far as art goes, I don't want to be bossy art mom.  That sounds horrible, right?  No fun at all.  I just want to be there for him and make space for him to show up, pick up a pencil and start again when he's ready.

By the end of this week I forgave myself for not putting sunscreen on my sweet kid and protecting him from the sun.  I also forgave myself for unwittingly pushing him creatively.  These two separate experiences actually served as a wonderful metaphor and a great reminder that I can't protect him from everything and I can't force him to use his talents.

I can only lead by example, show him what to do and do the best I can.

If that's slightly insane…then so be it.

Change :: Art + Hair

We have hit an emotional wall in terms of our mother & son daily art journaling.  You see, I was tired of asking my son if he had done his drawing for the day and he was real tired of me asking.  Let me give you a bit more background.

Last November, Steve took Grady to see David Hockney: A Bigger Exhibition at the de Young Museum in San Francisco and he was floored by it.  I had gone to the show a few weeks prior and just knew both of my guys would love it.  Grady was particularly interested in Hockney's iPad drawings and his favorite pieces were the large trees in the Yosemite series.  Hockney used the Brushes app and then printed those "drawings" out on a massive printer and they stood 12 feet tall.

Word of the day :: ALARM
Grady's interpretation left & mine on the right

Fast forward to New Year's Day and a very smart young man trying to work his mother into letting him use his new iPad every day.  His angle?  He wanted to make a New Year's resolution to do a drawing every day on his iPad, using the Brushes application, just like Hockney, Mom.

Truth be told, I was less than thrilled about this change of routine, as we had previously been drawing in the wee morning hours with pencils and/or watercolors on paper.  Our experiments were low key and the time spent with him was really enjoyable for me.  We talked over breakfast and my morning coffee.  He was keeping a semi-daily journal and I was playing around infrequently with watercolors. There were no rules or expectations.

I thought committing to a year-long project might be fun for us, but I worried about the follow through of a project that would (or should) last 365 days.  That's a lot for a kid.  Heck, that's a lot for me.

Word of the day :: BED
Grady's (left) + Mine (right0

Now, I knew he was working me on the increased iPad usage, but after seeing how excited he was about the Hockney creations I decided to give in a little and said yes.  My only parameter was that it had to be every day and that his father's only request was to learn to use Dropbox to save his drawings in an organized fashion.  Our thinking was that he could stretch his creative mind and learn to utilize technology beyond playing games on his iPad.  It felt like it would be a good tool and that appealed to all of us.

Word of the day :: CIRCLE
Grady's (top) + Mine (below)
For the record :: I didn't know what circle jerk meant until after I drew this!

It became clear pretty quickly that he was just doing a drawing as fast as he could (30 seconds to a minute or two) and just hurrying through the process.  He stopped drawing and painting on paper or canvas.  His art studio was primarily used to store his Lego collection and he would escape out there to listen to books on tape.  No art was happening out there.  None.

My husband encouraged me to let him ride it out and assured me that his use of the iPad was a good exercise.  I wasn't so sure.  I felt like he was taking the easy way out and it slowly became clear to me that he was starting to resent the question I posed to him almost daily - Have you completed your drawing yet?  Most days, the answer was a sheepish no.

Word of the day :: DARK
Grady's (left) + Mine (right)

Last weekend he broke down in tears and shared with me that he hates drawing on the iPad.  He was four days behind in his drawings and he did not want to continue with the iPad drawing project.

What?  My patience paid off?  He didn't want to draw on the iPad?  Hallelujah!  That only took six and a half months...

He said he missed drawing with me in the mornings and that it just wasn't as fun on the iPad.  He was back.  I was beaming.  I was more than ready to begin something new and I just so happen to love a new plan or project.

I quickly ushered him into the kitchen and we pulled out our art journals and talked it over.  I knew we both had to be into this or it wouldn't work.

Word of the day :: EASY
Grady's (left) + Mine (right)

Ultimately, we decided on picking a word out of his trusty pocket-sized thesaurus and each of us would interpret it on paper.  The only catch was that we had to agree on the word and we would start with the letter A and work out way through the alphabet.

I know he could tire of this new routine, too, but I think we both enjoy the morning chats and collaboration.  I think he feels seen by me and I know I'm really listening to him during this quiet, focused time together.  

It's my favorite part of the day and I've really missed it.  I think he has, too.

Grady, 11-1/4 years old
BEFORE + AFTER

He's morphing and changing so rapidly.  His art, his clothing stylings, and his hair!  He's been asking for weeks to get his hair cut and I was a bit sad to see his long, golden locks go.  He can't stop looking at himself.  It feels like he shed a bit of the old Grady and is ready for all the new that is about to happen.  I'm so glad he's been asking for what he wants.  He's finding his voice and gaining confidence, too.

We're headed to Alaska in a few weeks and in August he is moving to a brand new school to start the sixth grade.  

He's navigating all of this change with a lot of maturity and I guess I'm going to have to follow his lead.

Change is good, right?  Right...

Now.

The weeks are flying by and I've wanted to come here and write in this space, but I can't seem to sit down and do it on a regular basis.  I guess that's what summer is for, right?  Getting out there, soaking up all that life has to offer.

I love to make a list and so here are a few of our moments that are happening right now, so I don't forget how wonderful and full our right now is.

Our bi-weekly sojourn to the Marin Mobile Library in Tomales

Grady, 11 years
Attending :: A weeklong day camp where he will canoe, shoot a bow & arrow, learn new games, braid friendship bracelets and share space & stories with new friends.

Reading :: Harry Potter 6 & 7, again (oh! and now 3 is back in rotation!).

Practicing :: With his new soccer team at Ragle Park.  Our new routine will be soccer every Saturday.

Pontificating :: I like new shoe smell, don't you?  This statement upon receiving new "cool" shoes from his grandma Gigi.

Helping :: His dad water our small orchard and trim trees.

Learning :: How to drop in from his camp counselor, Zeph, at our local skate park mid-week.

Seeing :: His book list recommendations published & shared on the Mamalode.com website this week.

Dropping :: In for the first time at the skate park!  You were so proud when you came home.  And sweaty.  This was your first time doing it and you were beaming when you walked through the door Sunday night.

Manhattans :: My New Love

Us (Me + Steve)
Dating :: We enjoyed an incredible kid-free meal at one of our local restaurants, Terrapin Creek.  Every time we eat here, we say we need to do this more often.

Nightcapping :: We had the best Manhattans this week at Rocker Oysterfellers and are now on the hunt for the perfect dried sour cherries, so that we can make them at home.

Playing :: At the annual bocce tournament put on by Steve's clients was this weekend.  I did want to get on record that I beat Team Father & Son.  Beginner's luck.

Wild Fennel

Me
Reading :: I finished two books this week - Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan & The Map of Enough by Molly Caro May

Watching :: The most fascinating documentary film My Life as a Turkey and Season 2 of House of Cards.

Foraging :: Wild fennel in full bloom on the roadsides by the armful for simple, stunning arrangements.  They drop seeds, so the bouquets are on my outside tables.  I can see them from my living room and they are so lovely.

Serving :: Jury Duty called this week, but I was dismissed.  There was quite a commotion with the protestors and news crews present for the DA's decision on the Andy Lopez case.  We were safely locked in a courtroom at one point, as the protestors raged outside the courthouse.

Lounging :: I have completely become one with my hammock this week.  Reading and pondering life while cocooned by the braided ropes lowered my blood pressure this week.

Creating :: I worked on several illustrations to accompany the beautiful words of poet Annie Flavin and popped them in the mail to her.

Soaking :: Up all the beautiful imagery from Matt Kish's gorgeous book Moby-Dick in Pictures.  552 pages of illustrations, collages and paintings.  I would love to crawl inside his artistic mind for a day! What an inspiration.

Enjoying :: The solitude of my home right now.  Birds chirping, bees buzzing and windows wide open until late in the evening.  We heard and spotted our first owl this summer.

What are you doing right now?

Social Media Overload

Recently, I decided to treat myself (and my family) to a subscription to the Sunday edition of the New York Times.  My first copy arrived yesterday.  Not to my doorstep, but to a small receptacle on my neighbor's property a few hundred yards down the road.  As corny as this may sound, the arrival of this iconic periodical made me feel like a full-fledged adult.  I have never subscribed to a newspaper.   I'm shamefully uninformed when it comes to politics and the stock market.  For the most part, I'm okay with that.

This simple act was actually my way of slowing down the clock in our household, making an intentional choice to read the printed word and to (hopefully) gain inspiration from the pages as I read, perused, clipped articles from and shared with my family.  Yesterday was the longest Sunday I can remember and it was glorious.

If I'm being honest, one of the triggers for me to subscribe to the paper was my recent evaluation of my usage of social media.  I'm on it.  A lot.

I recently spent a week in Portland with my family wherein I spent a few days in Powell's City of Books, thrice visited the main branch of the Portland Library, read two novels and picked up a copy of the Sunday New York Times.  I was immediately pulled in by all of the gorgeous fonts and typography.  The formatting and illustrations were beautiful.  I knew I wanted more.

In between all of that reading, I was constantly and incessantly checking my phone.  I'm totally embarrassed to write this, but it's true.  Instagram has become my social media crack addiction.  Facebook, too, to a lesser degree.

Taking pictures, posting and sharing a little blurb feels good to me.  I'm inspired daily by my friends and followers (that feels funny to type and read), but how much is enough?  Would I ever be satisfied by what I viewed or shared?  What was the value of all of this supposed connectedness?  Could I walk away from it?  I'm not so sure.

I'll tell you what doesn't feel good about the whole thing, my son saying "Mom, you're always on your phone."

Ouch.  That stung.

Conversations quickly turned around and my 11 year old son wanted to know if he could get an Instagram account.  My immediate answer was in the negative.  I didn't really even think about why, just no.  My husband thought we should discuss and give our son a reason.  I channeled my mother and father and thought it's no because I said so.  Oh, that didn't fly with my calm, level-headed, reasonable husband.

And so we debated the use of social media for our son and the pros and cons of same.  In doing this, I had to analyze my usage and what I was modeling for him.  The word hypocrite was spoken and hung in the air like an imaginary anvil ready to hit me in the head.

I am a social media hypocrite.

I had to let the weight of that settle in.

Now, I can justify it until I'm blue in the face.  The fact is - it's true.  I love the inspiration and sweet faces of my friends' children as they come across my phone screen.  I like receiving prompts to visit a new blog post written by someone I know.  I guess I'm a voyeur at heart.  I enjoy memoirs, real stories, real people and even if this is glimpsed in a seemingly impersonal way, through my phone screen, it still feels personal to me.

Two of my friends recently posted about their struggles here and here.  I've taken these words to heart and reexamined what social media means to me and how I can achieve a balance with it.

I think for me, I just need to step back and take a little break.  I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, but I want balance in this area.  I get a lot of good out of the friendships and relationships I've made through social media, as funny as that may sound to some, and I'm not ready to give them up completely.

For my first move towards a lighter social media infatuation, I decided to delete the Facebook app from my phone over breakfast.  I told Grady what I was doing and he told me I didn't have to.  I explained to him my reasoning and told him that I wanted to.  I told him I wanted to be more present and that looking at Facebook on my phone wasn't that big of a deal.

He told me that when he talks to me it seems like I'm not listening to him when I'm looking at my phone.  He said sometimes I don't even hear him.  Oh, my.

It's not only Grady that it is disconnecting me from, but it's my husband, too.  I go to bed with my phone under the guise that I check the time on it, but lately I'm on it before I go to sleep scrolling through pictures and catching up on the day of my fellow social media "friends".  I wake up in the morning and check the time and check up on what everyone was doing via Instagram and Facebook…while I slept!  Really?  Yes, really.

Instagram is a beautiful place to visit, but I'm going to try to put my phone away more often.  Just enjoy the day without needing to see what others are up to every 15 minutes.  I'm not going cold turkey, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to use it less and enjoy the beauty and solitude of my days here at home.  It won't be easy, but I don't think it will be that hard either.

So, for the foreseeable future, I will do my best to concentrate on putting my phone away and really being present for my guys and myself.  Grady is on a permanent hold when it comes to social media and I'm hoping this phase will pass or I'll be more prepared when the talk rolls around again.

Old habits are hard to break.

Wish me luck.  Or don't, if you need a break from commenting, posting, sharing, liking...

Summer Road Trip :: Portland 2014

We took our first summer road trip to Portland a few weeks ago and had a fantastic time.  Our friends let us use their condo as a home base and we took daily excursions to eateries, book stores, libraries, skate parks, thrift stores, donut shops, ice cream parlors and walked the oh-so clean city streets.

This video was Grady's project during our trip.  He captured images with his iPad and used an app called Over to insert words & graphics.

It's about 3-1/2 minutes long.



I think it's sweet what he wanted to remember and look forward to our next family vacation in Bodega Bay in just a few short weeks.

Skateboarding :: A Father & Son Love Story

My husband and son are spending their evenings together at a local skate park.  I have been waiting for this to happen since the day my son was born.  

Let me explain.

Steve's first skateboard park membership + Grady's first night riding

I've had the privilege of spending hundreds of weekends and afternoons after school with Grady.  Sports never figured into our mother-son equation because sports were never my thing.  Sure, we would spend hours perusing library shelves or go to the beach to collect smooth rocks and sea glass at low tide, but that was all guided by me and my interests.

Introducing my son to the ins and outs of sports would not be my area of expertise.  Not in the least.

Over the years, I've longed for my husband and son to hang out in the yard and play catch or throw a pigskin around (did I just refer to a football as pigskin?) My husband has a passion for the Los Angeles Dodgers and an appreciation of statistics.  I just assumed that when we had our little boy that one day they would be that father and son in the backyard throwing that little white orb back and forth.  I'd seen it with my father and my brother.  I assumed it would just happen.

It never did.

Or I should say, it rarely did.

You see, my kid isn't a baseball player.  He tried.  It wasn't his thing.  I thought my husband would push him harder and maybe even force the issue.

He never did.

He's not that kind of parent.

And so years have gone by and the only team sport our son seems to really enjoy is soccer.  His other interests are reading books and holing up in his art studio to listen to audiobooks and fold origami, build make believe worlds with his Lego collection or draw make believe monsters.  He's an only child and he likes being alone.

All that changed on the first day of summer vacation.

Grady unearthed a skateboard that he purchased from the Goodwill last year and asked for us to take him somewhere where he could ride it.  You see, we live in the country and have no sidewalks or smooth asphalt on our property or street.

My husband quickly obliged and so began their nightly jaunts to find a place to ride.

The father-son duo decided his Goodwill board was not the best to learn on and so they took a trip to Play It Again Sports and scored a used board with better trucks (Trust me, I had no knowledge of this lingo until this new hobby took hold).

Grady sanded and painted a design on his new-to-him board and off they went find a skate park and break it in.  And, as they say, the rest is history.

A few months ago my husband and I were talking about waiting and watching to see what Grady would be interested in next and then following his lead.   Instead of us leading him to books, art and sports - we would sit back and pay attention to what interested our son and not interfere too much.  Rather, we would wholeheartedly support it.

It didn't take long for us to see his new passion unfolding and that was kind of exciting to us.

His board is near him at all times.  He spends hours just sitting on it reading or trying a new stationary trick.

We're watching Tony Hawk videos and packing his board and gear in the back of our cars every time we go into town, you know, just in case we pass a good place to skate.

Steve and Grady have formed a new bond over this little piece of wood and four wheels.  They are sharing knowledge, creating memories (falling down quite a bit, too) and making time for one another.

Just like I thought it would be.

Only different.

Only better.