'Tis the [stormy] Season

Life has been so full lately.  I know this is true for everyone out there, but I just know it's especially true for women.  Among my girlfriends, I know we shoulder the brunt of the holiday list-making and gift-buying-wrapping-mailing-giving.  Sure, my husband does a thing or two to help keep me off the holiday crazy train, but it's mostly left up to me.  Now, don't get me wrong - I enjoy most of it, but sometimes it feels like it's just too freaking much.  

And so I really went into this month with the intention of doing less and being really present this season.  It's harder than I thought, but I'm feeling the benefit of it.  The first order of business was to lighten our December social calendar.  Declining invitations is a definite exercise in restraint (which is not really my forté) but, in doing so, I felt a big sigh of relief.  It was a start.

I don't know about you, but around the 10th of December I kind of start to freak out.  There are handmade items to cook, make & package up and get in the mail so loved ones receive them by Xmas.  

I love this part and I hate this part.  

Treats for the doggies in our lives :: recipe here

I love it because I get great joy out of ritual and tradition.  Creating things with our hands and gifting them to people we care about really makes me happy.  The pockets of time spent drawing or carving stamps become little gifts for me.  The conversations that spring from this merry-making often give me the little push to keep going.

Stationary sets :: we each carved a block to print with 

I also hate this part because I get all ratcheted up and stressed out.  It always seeps out and the passive-aggressive control freak in me unleashes on my poor family.  My to-do list becomes all important and I start to question why I do this to myself; to us.

Molly Wizenberg's Three Layer Peppermint Bark :: Amazing!  Make it. You won't be sorry.

Well, not this year.  

While I did feel a welling up of stress, a freak storm system rolled into Northern California and left us without power for 12 hours during massive wind and rain storms.  And let me tell you, I got some major shit done in 12 hours without any electricity and a dead cell phone.  For reals.

Top-secret Hecht family kahlua recipe :: even I don't know what's in it, seriously

School was cancelled for two whole days and that spilled into the weekend, making for four long, productive days at home.

Our dear friends and neighbors had a big bash over the weekend and that spurred some pre-storm shoe shopping.  Red satin heels ($8) and bronze knee-high boots ($7.50) were my thrift scores.  And, I gotta be honest, I kind of feel like Wonder Woman when I wear the boots and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz when donning the red ones.

Printmaking is my new favorite thing, too.  Along with smiling.  

We made a print of 50 wonky circles for our friend's 50th trip around the sun.  All three of us carved up the stamps and used red screen printing ink on kraft paper.  The paper is special to me, as it was given to me at a writing retreat earlier this year.  I saved it for just the right project and it turned out just beautiful.

I can't believe it's almost the end of the year.  My drawing a day journal for 2014 is one of my most prized possessions.  The daily ritual was hard at first, but has blossomed into this almost meditative way to start my day.  Pens, paper and coffee at the kitchen table.  I'll write more about this project in a future blog post, but this journal is my new favorite.

This guy.

He's been wearing this sweatshirt (almost) daily since November 10th.  He thinks it's the best thing ever and I think it's kind of cute how much he loves it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't love it being worn every single freaking day, but think he's sweet and funny for wearing it.

I hope to burn it on December 26th.  Kidding.  Sort of.

It's still raining up here and the highways are intermittently flooded to and from town, depending on the tide.  Winter is upon us and the wet weather is so very welcome to all of us in California.  

All of the out of town packages are mailed and gifts have been made or purchased.  This week has been left wide open for movie-watching and cooking a big pot of soup.  I definitely feel like I've made space and time for our family this year, minus the small stress attack around the 10th of the month.

We cancelled our annual Xmas eve open house in our home and have opted for a quiet dinner with a couple of friends instead.  Again, stretching a new social muscle is hard, but I'm really looking forward to cooking this prime rib for the first time and beating everyone at Scrabble.  Ha!

The only holiday decorations around the house are a few scattered reindeer, a string of white lights in G's room and our Xmas tree.  It feels right this season.

Less really is more for us and not just a tired cliché.

It's been a slow lesson to learn, but I'm grateful for the time and space to swim in this new way of doing the holidays.  At first, I felt sad because G was getting older and I thought the magic would disappear.  Instead, we've been sharing words and feelings about the season and what it means to our little family.  

Last night, while driving home from town, Grady shared that he still believes in Santa, but kind of thinks we have something to do with it.  When I asked him how he came to that conclusion, he shared that we (his parents) have messed up on a few of our stories lately and that the prior year's Santa letters (that I save in our Xmas box) have handwriting that looks a lot like our handwriting.

Hmm.  That's weird.

He didn't want to fess up 100% about the non-belief and I think he did that more for me.  He knows how much I enjoy having fun with the season.  His wish list was short this year and he passed up the opportunity to go to the annual Xmas party where he usually sits on Santa's lap.  He told me sitting on Santa's lap would feel awkward and you know what?  I would have to agree with him on that front.

As always, I'm following his lead.

The last little project on my list was to paint a tree for Grady for Xmas.

Every year we make one another a handmade gift.  Last year, I failed to deliver on said gift and, therefore, I'm making good on it this year.  I let the busyness and travel plans interfere with the one thing Grady asked me for.

A painted tree.

Looking back at my blog, I see that he asked for a painted tree in 2012, too.  He gives me simple assignments because he knows I'm not the artist his father is!  Check out how Steve showed me up in 2010 with his parrot painting.

And so it's almost here.  Six more days until Xmas.

Merry Xmas, friends.

Mamalode Issue 19 :: It's Complicated + GIVEAWAY

Earlier this summer, an email showed up in my in box that both delighted and terrified me.  It was from the publisher of Mamalode magazine, Elke Govertsen, asking if I would consider collaborating with Annie Flavin and illustrating eight of her poems that would be featured as the centerfold in the next issue.  EIGHT ILLUSTRATIONS!  CENTERFOLD!  IN PRINT!  The theme would be It's Complicated.  Further explaining that while the theme could be interpreted as complicated, it didn't need to be.  

[To buy an ad-free copy, click here.  As a bonus, you also get an online version FREE.]

Well, I think I replied with some little joke about the J. Geils Band's 80's hit single Angel is a Centerfold and them immediately said yes.  HELL YES!  I quickly decided that I would use Micron pens and watercolors and, in keeping with the theme, keep my line drawings clean and simple.  I jumped up and down and shared the news with my husband and son.  And then it really sank in and I freaked out a little bit from time to time, but I think that's normal, right?  Right.

Mamalode gave me total creative license, but shared their preference for handwritten works.  Annie requested that her poems be read in a certain thematic order and that really helped me with my creative process while interpreting her words and sentiments.

I came up with a lot of the concepts while I was in Homer, Alaska in early August, which just so happened to be the publisher's hometown.  I was so fueled my the natural beauty that surrounded me, as well as an amazing ferry ride over to Halibut Cove, that I almost had too many ideas to sort through.  I frequented their library to look at reference books on native plants and Alaskan Native art books.  I took dozens of photos of their ubiquitous fireweed and tried to absorb all of the soul-piercing beauty and culture that surrounded me.

Fun fact ::  The Homer Library denied me a library card the week that I was there, so I had to do most of my looking and note-taking at the library.  Not a bad thing, but I really wanted a library card from Alaska.  And, yes, I'm a complete library dork.

I started working on watercolor paper at first, but then changed to smooth legal paper in the end because the watercolor paper was too textured and it was hard to drag my lines across the paper.  These weren't going to be originals for sale, so I opted for plain old copy paper and my Micron pens responded with clean, crisp lines for most of the illustrations.  I also played around with a Copic drawing pen [size F02] for the hand-lettering.  This pen was great during the assignment, but has proven schizophrenic when I tried to use it after the fact.  It barely completes a letter without breaking the line.  I'm so glad it held up during this assignment.

Motherhood, as well as the relationship between men & women, were always in the forefront of my mind while interpreting Annie's words.  Gender roles & stereotypes, assumptions based on those stereotypes & the perceived simplicity of youth were my guides.  The physicality of pregnancy and physiology of sex played a part in these line drawings, as well.  

Wanting to keep a simple color palette, I chose hot pink gouache to represent girls-women-females  and a vintage Prang turquoise blue watercolor to represent boys-men-males.  I did throw in yellow and chartreuse green to marry the two typical boy-girl colors throughout the series.  The pink and blue are symbolic and really pulled me into the stark, black lines and the stories being told through Annie's free verses.

Umbilical cords (inspired by Alaskan seaweed) were the backdrop for "Before I Was Me, I Was You"

A curvy, endless road that we're all on as parents inspired by "Each Time" 

Orgasms.  Big & Small.  Period.

Wonky flowers.  Each different.  Like our children.  Inspired by "Our Gifts"

Womb with layers of love stacked up like spoons + the baby at its core.  Inspired by "Spoons"

Double fencing and/or walls around the words in "The Way Home" serving as security; keeping home & those relationships safe inside.

Fish scales inspired by a line in this poem; also representing the number of choices we all have.

Radiant beams of light, positivity, hope.  Little rays of sunshine inspired by "When I Die"

I absolutely loved working with the Mamalode team and Annie on this project.  I'm so proud of what I was allowed to do and feel complete respect for creatives all over the world that put their art out into the world for all to enjoy.  It's not easy, but what an absolute gift.  One that keeps on giving in terms of inspiration, motivation and confidence over here.

Speaking of gifts, I'd like to offer a little giveaway.  Please leave a comment on my Instagram feed or in the comment section below sharing how you plan on making this coming holiday season a little less complicated.  I'd love to steal a few of your good ideas!  I'll pick one lucky winner to receive a print of your choosing from this collection (printed on 80# card stock).

UPDATE:  WINNERS SELECTED.  

I couldn't just pick one, so Amy Larson, Tricia Kushman Anderson & Rudri Bhatt Patel all win.  Thank you for sharing how you plan on keeping the holidays a little less complicated.  Email me your mailing address and the print you would like and I'll pop in the mail next week.  Thank you!

Mamalode will also be giving away one of my prints to a lucky reader next week.  Have you started following Mamalode on Facebook or Instagram?  Are you signed up to receive their newsletters?  Have you ordered their ad-free copy of this next issue?  Well, what are you waiting for?  Sign up and you'll have another chance to win a print.

You can also submit your genius to the editors at Mamalode by following this link.  Go ahead, do it.  The theme for next month's online issue is also It's Complicated and they're are accepting submissions right NOW.  Do you have a story to tell?  I think we all do.  What's yours?  Poetry, photographs, essays & cute quotes from you kids all accepted.

Annie Flavin is also offering a giveaway of one of our prints from this series.  Follow her on Facebook or Twitter for your chance to win.

This was my first illustration assignment and I couldn't be more proud or pleased with the results.  Thank you for taking the time to read this long-winded, promotional post and following along in this fun journey I'm on.

I can't wait to see where it takes me next.

Full Circle poem on Mamalode.com today

New poem, Full Circle, and artwork featured over at Mamalode online today.  I drafted this poem shortly after I returned from Write Doe Bay in April.  After a little tweaking and soul-searching, I submitted it to Mamalode, along with a line drawing I'd been working on in Lisa Congdon's online illustration course.  You can head on over and check both out here.

Next month my work will appear on the printed pages (so exciting!!!) of Mamalode's Fall issue.  The theme for this issue is It's Complicated.  At the request of Mamalode's publisher/CEO, Elke Govertsen, I collaborated with Annie Flavin and illustrated eight of her powerful and heartfelt poems.  You can pre-order copies of the magazine here.  I'll be sharing more about this project as the release date gets closer.

Happy Tuesday, friends.

Word(s) of the Day :: P thru V

Our mother-son art journaling alphabet project is still moving along.  For more background on how this started, feel free to check out my previous blog posts here, here and here.

Left (Grady) :: Plunge(R)
Right (Me) :: Plunge! into the water

We are having a lot of fun with words and our interpretations of them.

Left (Me) :: Quake! facts
Right (Grady) :: Quake! picturing his father & his four-pack stomach & crazy morning hair

Real life occurrences, like the Napa earthquake, have influenced our word choices and have sparked unexpected conversations and future design ideas.

Above (Me) :: REED
Below (Grady) :: REEDs + purple gallinule floating on the water

My husband's mother's maiden name was Reid and his father's middle name is Reed.  I wanted to name our unborn son Reed, but the name Grady ultimately stuck.

Above (Me) :: Sublime
Below (Grady) :: SUBLIME = Rainbow sherbet sunrise on the water that morphed into an ice cream sunday

Our word selections for the day conjure up the yummiest images and often instigates dessert planning for the evening ahead.

Top (Grady) :: TRIUMPH! on the soccer field
Bottom (Me) :: Triumph is my name!

Real life is seeping into our creative-filled mornings.  A soccer victory and G's first goal in years found its spot on the page when we chose Triumph as our word for the day last week.  I experimented with a made-up girl named Triumph and played around with color, shape, graphite pencils & I drew and painted without a pre-determined finish line.

Left (Grady) :: Uprising as inspired by the Percy Jackson series
Right (Me) :: UPRISING golden sunrise

After reading this book about how different artists utilize their sketchbooks, we were inspired to give ours a little more time and attention.  I was particularly moved by the colorful & graphic sketchbook pages of Madrid-based artist, Pep Carrió, and his musings on why he keeps a sketchbook.  His parting words were My sketchbooks are my warehouses of memory.  Oh, how I loved that concept.

We decided to paint several pages with different base colors and let them dry overnight.  The result was a more layered and thoughtful approach, as we weren't trying to reach the finish line with our entry for the day in 15-20 minutes.  Instead, we took our time.  We just so happened to finalize our Uprising paintings on 9/11.  Grady's Empire State Building was inspired by a Percy Jackson book he was reading, but it just so happened to help us discuss the horrific events of 9/11 and recall where we were on that fateful day.  I felt like my painting and interpretation of the word was hopeful and put a positive ending to our talks about life and loss, good and evil, what we believe in and how we should treat people.

Top (Me) :: VIGOR
Below (Grady) :: Vigor inspired by the definition of the word

Picking our word for the day has morphed in concept.  What started out as a perusal of our household thesaurus has turned into a back-and-forth conversation about what words make us quickly visualize an image or what the true definition of the word is.  We try to pick a word that we can quickly identify with and/or conceptualize almost immediately and get to work on it straight away.

This project is marrying my love of words and letters, children's art and color in the most wonderful way.

Spoons by Annie Flavin

Earlier this year, I took a line drawing class that was taught by one of my favorite artists.  It quickly became clear to me that her work ethic and design aesthetic would seep deep into my bones.  My lifelong fascination and appreciation for circles have found a prominent place in my doodling.  Full circles, oblong circles, semi-circles in all shapes and sizes.

Annie Flavin's poem Spoons needed some illustration work.  Annie held a Facebook contest a few weeks ago and she offered a few original illustrated poems as her prizes.  While Grady attended a local day camp this week, I set out to create a few new designs to go with her words.

Black Micron Pen 1.0 + colored pencils

Since I can't really draw actual spoons, I decided to work on interpreting Annie's poem in a more abstract way.

The illustration (above) would have two rows of semi-circles resting back to back, as humans would when spooning.  The pops of color and the not-so-perfect semi-circles would represent all of us.  No two matching or perfectly formed.  Imperfectly perfect.

Black Micron Pen 1.0 + Red Micron Pen 0.5

This design is my favorite (above).  The empty space in between is where I think god/God or energy/Energy is.  It's empty on purpose, but also could be construed as rigid or divisive space; wide open or set free.

The semi-circles on the right and the left stand to represent all of us, as referenced in the poem.  The two red semi-circles (on the right and left) could be the person(s) in the night searching for their god or God, trying to find their church.  The one on the right most likely feels like the one on the left, even though they are separated by the emptiness in the middle and, therefore, they are not alone.

This grouping of semi-circles could also be construed as a congregation.

We are all the same, no matter who or what god or God we believe in.

Micron Pen 1.0 + colored pencils

This last illustration (above) is a series of three wonky hearts (as Annie has three little ones), split in two.  They could easily be fused back together with the assistance of deep love, strength, or gratitude, as mentioned in the stanzas of Annie's poem.  Once again, the semi-circles and sporadic color choices reference all people or the masses and the blank space stands to symbolize an unknown, invisible god or God.

I'm really enjoying reading Annie's thoughtful words and interpreting them through my drawings.  All of these musings are mine and not meant to taint or change the poem in any way.  I'm just sharing how I'm receiving her words and how they flow through me and out onto paper.

I actually quite enjoyed the purposeful negative space in these drawings and they felt hopeful and spiritual to me.  Annie's concept that church can be anywhere struck a chord with me, too.

I'd love to hear what you think.

As Long As She's Mine by Annie Flavin

Black Micron pen 1.0 + hot pink screen printing ink + water

Over the past few months, I've been collaborating with a very talented woman named Annie Flavin.  She writes about motherhood, real life, marriage, love and kindness (and so many other wonderful themes) and has such a fresh and enlightened perspective.

My role in our collaboration has been to illustrate her powerful, truthful words.

Watered down hot pink screen printing ink

I'm learning a lot about my process and myself along the way.  Like, I'm most inspired in the morning.  First thing.  I want to create almost immediately upon waking.  I quickly brush my teeth and put the coffee on, scan my phone and check in on my Instagram account.  I'm ready.

I pour out the contents of my trusty pencil pouch and grab my go-to black Micron pen and the ideas and concepts start to flow.  I grab a small glass of water, paper towel and jar full of paint brushes.  The need to get my ideas out and onto paper feels urgent and I'm fueled now by the coffee and the images swirling around in my head.

Black Micron pen 1.0 + hot pink colored pencil

For this particular poem I felt like I had to use hot pink.  Now, I'm not usually a pink person.  Nothing in my house is pink - nothing.  In fact, I grew up in a house that had an entire living room covered in pink cottage roses.  The couch, loveseat, oversized chair and ottoman.  The curtains, valances, porcelain candy dishes and fine china, too.  

Pink used to repel me, but a few years ago my mother-in-law sent me this Marimekko purse and I softened to the color.  Hot pink started to feel strong and bold to me.  I recently changed purses and pulled that gifted Marimekko bag out from the back of the closet.  That same day I thrifted these beautifully patterned outdoor pillows.  Hot pink was infiltrating my little world and I was starting to like it and noticing it in my day-to-day life.  I quickly went out and bought a hot pink colored pencil and a tube of hot pink screen printing ink and was eager to get started.

This particular use of hot pink symbolizes the She or "the soul" in this poem.

The imperfect circles and lines serve to symbolize all of us and our imperfections at birth, during our teenage years, in adulthood.

The small inner circles in all three illustrations symbolize the unknown She.

The larger circles symbolize the mother's womb.

The first illustration at the very top of this post is my favorite.  The semi-circle is most definitely a womb and the inner circles symbolize the layers of love stacking up on top of this little soul.  The small dot of pink at the innermost part of the circle symbolizes the baby, the soul, the she.

Today I'll package these up and ship them off to Annie to do with them as she pleases.  These illustrations kind of feel like my little children.  It's comforting to know that as I send them off and on their way they are going to a good home.

Show Your Work!

I'm reading Show Your Work! by Austin Kleon and he makes a lot of really compelling arguments and useful tips about sharing your creativity.  I read this line this morning:

When you put your work out into the world, you have to be ready for the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The more people come across your work, the more criticism you'll face.

~ Austin Kleon

Yesterday, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and share a very personal poem here on my blog.  I was immediately stung by its reception from a few extended family members.  Ultimately, I changed one of the lines in the poem to spare some hurt feelings - although I'm sure it's a little too late for that.

The sting was soothed by multiple supportive, heartfelt and painful phone calls with my mother, brother and sister.  After hearing of its rocky reception, I'm not sure sharing my work was the right call, at least not in the medium that I decided to share it with the masses...on Facebook.  I should have taken baby steps and perhaps only shared with a small group of writers I met over a month ago at my writing workshop.  I don't know, self-doubt always seems to creep in when I'm about to share my art or words and I think that's true for most people who create.  I've been writing in this space for eight years, most of which have been on the down-low.  Finding the confidence to share has been hard, made harder by yesterday's hoopla.

I didn't sleep much last night and after a good long talk with my mother this morning, I decided that sharing my poem on Facebook was probably not the best idea.  I've had a love-hate relationship with Facebook for a few years now and recently read this poignant essay by a new friend about her recent breakup with the social media behemoth.  I'm absolutely thinking hard about this decision, too.

Writing this poem was a necessary part of my journey to reconcile my parents'  divorce and forgive the past.  It sprang from me as an homage to my mother and father.  A testament to the beautiful, stable childhood they created for me and my siblings.  These were fantastic, sensory-inducing memories of my life under their care.  My memories.  My childhood.  Memories of the stories I'd been told about where they came from.  I am proud of my family.  I love my parents for blazing a new trail for our family unit and their pluck for sticking it out until we were almost grown.

Talking with my brother and sister yesterday was cathartic.  I wasn't crazy, they remembered all of things I wrote about and more.  My siblings shared in my memories and we laughed, cried and I felt their love come through the phone lines, all the way from Oregon and New York, and directly into my heart.

The important lesson I learned yesterday :: Words Are Powerful.

I'm going to keep sharing.  That's in my DNA, but I'm a little gun-shy on the writing front this week.  I'm encouraged by other authors, bloggers, instagrammers, my husband and two very special cousins that reached out and said kind, constructive words to me yesterday.  Thank you.

Today I'm going to share what art I've been making lately.  That feels safer and, I'm hoping, less controversial.  Here goes…

Watercolor Orbs

Block Printing Workshop with Jen Hewett :: My version of Turkish Poppies

MAKE :: workspace at The San Francisco Makeshift Society

Jen Hewett's beautiful carved stamps + printed textiles

Experimenting with the color red + new "womb + baby" carving 

Drawing Oompa Loompa Flowers with my goddaughters 

Original watercolors + Annie Flavin's poem God's Voice

Hot pink on grey card stock

Orange on grey card stock

Grady's swirly flower teacher thank you notes :: mass production

colors + papers

testing colors + textures

My Full Plate Exhibit Entry :: Full Circle 

I feel nervous to click "publish" on this post, but also feel like I have to in order to move on.  I've written and re-written this about two dozen times.  I need to stop editing myself.  I don't want to be afraid to write or share my art.  I don't want to stay stuck in the past.  I want to move forward and the only way I know how to is to dig deeper, try new things and share it with the world.  And that's exactly what I'm going to do so that I can continue to stay on course and finish my journey towards coming full circle with my life.

Click.