Rituals :: Writing + Drinking

As February is winding down, I realize that I haven't come to this space to write much this month.  To be perfectly honest, I have a hard time sitting down and sharing what's on my mind.  Part of me feels like who would want to read that?  While the other part of me knows just how much I get out of reading the work of other bloggers/writers and gleaning advice or shared experiences from their generous words.

I've been reading a lot of books about the craft of writing (like this one, this one and this one) and figured out that most writers are a little gun shy when they share their words with the world.  Also, editors are key.  When I write, I worry so much about the punctuation and structure of my blog posts that they end up taking me hours to write.  I'm my worst critic and I'm also a little bit afraid to be judged by what I'm putting out there.

Last week, my son shared some of his best work (according to him) from his sixth grade english class.  His favorite writing exercise is called a Six Minute Quick Write.  You sit down, set the timer and write whatever you want, quickly and fluidly, until the six minutes is up.  He stressed that you can finish your last sentence, but don't edit while you're writing.  Just write.

I love this quick write concept.  Aren't sixth grade english teachers the best?  Here's what he had to say about it:

"I know that Quick Writes aren't graded, but I really like them because they are a time to say how you feel about a certain topic and clear your mind.  I think they are a really good way to start your morning." - Grady, age 11

Gosh, I love this kid.  And his teacher really inspires him.  

Well this inspired me in a big way.  Therefore, I'm going to jump right in and attempt daily quick writes on my blog starting on March 1st.  No editing, no struggling with formatting, no photo collages or time spent editing photos.  Just me, sitting at my desk first thing in the morning and typing for six minutes.  I'm not going to overthink it.  I'm just going to write whatever is on my mind and hit publish.  I'm looking forward to this new daily ritual and hope it stretches me when it comes to writing (and sharing) on this blog.

February in Sonoma County means that everything is coming into bloom.  The magnolia tree branches are heavy and dripping with pink blossoms, daffodils line the roadsides and wide-open fields are a sea of yellow mustard.  Buds are breaking in the vineyards and camellia flowers litter the walkway into my office.  Hardy calla lilies shoot up overnight in my flower beds and the hillsides are thick and limber with fluorescent green grasses.

I love January for its quiet approval to hibernate, but I love February for it's unabashed beauty and reminder that, well, we have a long year ahead of us and I, too, want to bloom this year.  I like to take this time to plan out family vacations, read as much as humanly possible, hunker down and binge-watch tv series with my husband during this second month of the year.

Redhill Trail || Sonoma Coast || Valentine's Day || 73 degrees

February has also held a new focus for me.  My health.  I'm working on instituting a consistent exercise regime into my weekly routine.  Early morning stretching and occasional meditation, Zumba classes and local hikes.  

I've chosen to abstain from alcohol indefinitely.  

Let me say that again, so that it can sink in.

I've chosen to abstain from alcohol indefinitely.  

And while writing about this feels a little weird, I also want to be honest with myself and anyone reading here about how hard this actually is.  I haven't gone this long without drinking since I was pregnant with my son 12 years ago.  I used to own a wine bar and drinking was part of my profession.  I've been reading a lot of this woman's blog posts about her wine-free journey and it's been a powerful source of inspiration.  

I'm an all or nothing type of gal and I have long searched for balance in the adult beverage department.  I feel like I've tried the all model  and need to try the nothing model on for size.  And let's face it, I'm not getting any younger.  I can't keep indulging in wine and cocktails at no cost.  I have several health issues I'm working on getting under control and the simple fact of the matter is that drinking is not helping.

I haven't been a mindful drinker since I started drinking.  All or nothing may be considered the same thing to some, but I've got to give it a try and find out.

I can do this.  

I am doing this.  

I'm on Day 20 of my self-imposed alcohol ban and I feel really, really good about it.  

The positive take-aways have been that I'm finally sleeping through the night for the first time in years.  I have considerably more patience for my kid, my husband and everyday frustrations.  I've been waking up early and starting my day with quiet reflection and writing down my intentions for the next 24 hours.  

Addiction runs in my family and I just need to hit the pause button long enough for me to ponder why it is I like to drink.  It's hard to put this out there, but I know I need to do it to make myself accountable for this overindulgent habit I've curated over the years.  Living in wine country has been good and bad for me.  It's time to take stock of how I socialize and what's most important to me.

And with these soul-baring words, I'm going to switch gears.  I've said a lot here and I'm feeling really anxious about my new journey.  Thanks for listening.

I wanted to thank you for your kind words on my recently published essay, The Window for Play, featured on Rachel Cedar's 28 Day of Play blogger series.  Click here to read.  That piece was hard to write, but I'm glad it resonated with others.  I felt hugged by the comments and encouraged to do more truth-telling with my writing.

My new daily rituals of writing, as well as abstaining from alcohol, feel a little scary.  But I'm going to push forward and try it on for size.  As my clean & sober brother recently shared with me - The only side effect of not drinking is that you will feel really good.  What's so scary about that?  

Right, brother.  So right.

And with that - I'm out.  

xoxo,

Tammi

28 Days of Play :: The Window for Play

My essay, The Window for Play, can be found over at You Plus Two Parenting's website.  I am the featured blogger today in the 28 Days of Play blogger series that focuses on play with our children.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on my early role as a mother and how I slowly figured things out.  Please hop on over here and read.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and keep the dialogue open about the hard parts of motherhood, as well as the good parts.

Happy Friday, friends.

Apartment Therapy's January Cure :: Part Two

When I cannot bear outer pressures anymore, 

I begin to put order in my belongings…

As if unable to control my life, 

I seek to exert this on the world of objects.  

Anaïs Nin 

As the month of January came to an end, my list of projects for Apartment Therapy's January Cure had many lines drawn through it.   Items big and small were crossed off, a highlighter drawn over priority to do items and margin notes with measurements or notes to self for future plans.

A lot was accomplished and a lot more still needs to be done.  It was a great way start to the new year.

Grady's Room
My son's bedroom was the least of my worries this year.  That's not to say it flew under the radar during this round of the Cure, but it's good enough for now.  We purged three tsotchke shelves, tidied up his closet, purged his shoe collection, cleared his desktop and added a small chair for additional seating.  I also purged the excess linens I house on the top shelves of his closet.  We spent one hour on his room.

We will revisit his room design this summer and brainstorm new paint colors or wallpaper options.  Moving the furniture around might happen, too, and we'll need to work on sturdier hardware for his window treatments.  Also, I'm going to keep my eye out on Craig's List for a rug for this space.

The Laundry Room
This room is nestled between my kitchen and our tiny entryway.  It is a catch all for many things.  Cleaning supplies are stored in the lower white cupboard, out of sight.  Extra pantry items, as well as my cookbooks, kitchen towels & Dyson hand vacuum live in the top cupboards.

The green picnic basket on top of the dryer usually holds small gifts or books to use as hostess gifts.  Steve has an exposed cubby for his mail, wallet and other small items.  According to Apartment Therapy's guidelines, this would be considered his Landing Strip.  I know there's another meaning for this phrase, but stay with me here, friends.  Let's keep it clean.

The laundry room housed my Outbox during the Cure, but now it's free and clear of all of that mess purgatory.  The white shelf is primarily used to hold our library bags, outgoing mail or items that I need to return to friends.  I guess it's always been used as an Outbox.  The three baskets hold our dirty clothes.  Darks, whites & items to take to the dry cleaner.  I throw a load of laundry in almost every morning and this helps keep these baskets from overflowing.

The Entryway
Nothing much happened in the entryway.  Excess shoes were put away, the small rug vacuumed and the slider tracks were deep cleaned.  A few years ago we added these Flor carpet tiles and I love them.  We haven't had to replace any yet, but it would be easy to do so with the spare tiles we have on hand.

The Master Bedroom (aka - "The January Cure Project")
I posted a few before and in-progress pictures on my last past about the Cure.  This is a shot of an empty room.  I cleaned baseboards and window sills, cleaned the wood floors and said to goodbye to our old bed after a quick sale on Craig's List.

Our room is approximately 11' x 8' feet.  The new platform bed (with storage) takes up 7-1/4' x 5-3/4' - it's a tight fit, but the bed fits and we turned it so the headboard is on largest, blank wall in the room.    It looks a little boring right now, but the plan is to ditch the set of dresser drawers on the right and store those items of clothing in the drawers provided under the bed.  

I'm also toying around with the idea of wallpaper on this blank wall, bookshelves or a large piece of artwork.  These items are on my list and will stay there until I figure it out and run it by the husband.

We met with a local electrician over the weekend and she is going to hardwire a permanent set of reading lights above our bed, so we can get rid of these Ikea plug-in lamps.  Hallelujah!  I just hate the cords and funky look of these functional lights.  It feels like we're still in college with this get-up.  We use them every night, so they are important to us, but not the most beautiful option.  She's also going to add lighting to my hall clothing closet and my son's bedroom closet.  Let there be light!

We're also exploring the possibility of using stools (inspired by these) as our bedside tables, but we only have 13" to work with on either side.  In the end, Steve may just build a set of simple floating shelves for each side of the bed that can be used to store our nightly glass of water, book, eyeglasses and small electronics.

The master closet is predominately utilized by my husband.  I do have two shelves for jeans and t-shirts, but most of my clothing & shoes are housed in the converted water heater closet in the hall,  just outside our bedroom.

The simple pine racks with pegs that hang behind our bedroom door save the day.  I use them to hang our baseball caps on the upper level and use the lower rack for bathrobes, my rotating cardigan sweater collection, as well as scarves and tank tops.  It's not glamorous, but it works and it's hidden behind the door when it's open.

I had the jewelry hutch custom-made about 13 years ago.  It is a dreamy little cabinet that houses all of my baubles, plus Steve's watch collection.  I purged it and reorganized it during this month's Cure and now have an empty drawer.  I'm sure that won't stay empty for very long.

I also picked up a set of curtain rods for our bedroom this week.  I thrifted a set of sturdy chocolate brown panels by Woolworth a few weeks back.  My husband has agreed to hang them in the near future.

The Living Room
Last year I worked on my living room as my January Cure Project and accomplished quite a bit.  However, the artwork I was going to get framed...never got framed.  Surprised?  I'm not.  I'm taking the piece down down today (I hung it up with washi tape and it's been that way for 365 days) rolling it up and placing it in a cardboard tube.  I'll take it to the framer next weekend.  I promise.

I popped into Target this week to grab a few new throw pillows for the couch.  All three were on sale and I'd been coveting them since the holidays.  I'm drawn to mustards and golds lately and love the look of these on my beige couch.

Well, 106 magazines were housed in my living room, mostly hidden in the drawers of our  rehbilitated mid-century dressesr-turned-media stand that I thrifted a few years back for $3 and Steve brought back to life.  I ended up donating 72 periodicals to the local library and unsubscribed to Sweet Paul, Sunset, Taproot, Cook's and Audubon.  I also put a hold on my Sunday New York Times subscription until the end of Spring.  I have a lot of reading to catch up on and my magazine problem was getting out. of. control.

I'm on the hunt for a new side table to replace the blue one I pulled out of my bedroom during the new bed installation.  For now, it will stay in the living room until another one finds me while I'm out thrifting.

I've also asked my husband to install two bookshelves above my desk in the living room.  For a girl that loves books as much as I do, I can't believe I don't have any bookshelves in my bedroom or above my desk.  He's added this request to his honey-do list and I can't wait to fill those shelves.

The Landing Strip
My desk acts as The Landing Strip and I'm pretty fastidious about tidying up loose paperwork and incoming mail by the end of each day, as my desk sits in the corner of our living room for all to see.  I have an acrylic box that houses a few file folders for bills to be paid, tax & school paperwork and monthly receipts.  I have to start and end the day with a clean desk.  It's just the way I work.  But in the middle of the day?  It looks like this!

The Digital Dump
I got a lot done in the Digital Dump department and found this to be a good use of time during the last week of the Cure.  I was kind of over purging cabinets and cleaning my house at this point, but going through email folders and dumping old and irrelevant documents was liberating.  I also created a better file folder system for storing years worth of taxes and Grady's artwork.  There is still a lot of room for improvement, but it was a start.

The Master (aka - Only) Bathroom
Our house is less than 1,000 square feet and has only one bathroom.  We renovated this room when we purchased the house and made good use of the space.  Not a lot was done in here during this round of the Cure.  I have a cleaning lady that comes every other week and she did all the deep cleaning on my to-do list.  And, yes, I love her.

I cleaned out under the sink, ditched old washcloths, organized the drawers and went through our medicine cabinet boxes (which are housed in our slender wine-slash-linen closet just outside of the bathroom).  I found old prescriptions, sunscreens and makeup that needed to be tossed.

The Outbox
The Outbox concept is one I have adopted from my prior participation in the Cure.  It is crucial in helping break the bond some stuff has over me and makes it easier to see leave the house and, in turn, my life.

I read Marie Kondo's new book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing earlier this month.  I didn't love the book as a whole, but I did appreciate her advice about holding an object in your hands before you decide to keep, donate or toss.  I think there is some power in that advice.  Also, her question about does an item spark joy? resonated with me and I posed it to myself on more than one occasion during the Cure.

All in all, my house feels really clean and organized.  My husband was instrumental in some of the big changes and I would definitely sign-up again for next year's January Cure.

The marked-up to-do list is going to reside on my desk for the next few weeks and then I'll put it away.  I'll tackle a few more things this month.  But first, I want to sit down and read a bunch of magazines.