Social Media Overload

Recently, I decided to treat myself (and my family) to a subscription to the Sunday edition of the New York Times.  My first copy arrived yesterday.  Not to my doorstep, but to a small receptacle on my neighbor's property a few hundred yards down the road.  As corny as this may sound, the arrival of this iconic periodical made me feel like a full-fledged adult.  I have never subscribed to a newspaper.   I'm shamefully uninformed when it comes to politics and the stock market.  For the most part, I'm okay with that.

This simple act was actually my way of slowing down the clock in our household, making an intentional choice to read the printed word and to (hopefully) gain inspiration from the pages as I read, perused, clipped articles from and shared with my family.  Yesterday was the longest Sunday I can remember and it was glorious.

If I'm being honest, one of the triggers for me to subscribe to the paper was my recent evaluation of my usage of social media.  I'm on it.  A lot.

I recently spent a week in Portland with my family wherein I spent a few days in Powell's City of Books, thrice visited the main branch of the Portland Library, read two novels and picked up a copy of the Sunday New York Times.  I was immediately pulled in by all of the gorgeous fonts and typography.  The formatting and illustrations were beautiful.  I knew I wanted more.

In between all of that reading, I was constantly and incessantly checking my phone.  I'm totally embarrassed to write this, but it's true.  Instagram has become my social media crack addiction.  Facebook, too, to a lesser degree.

Taking pictures, posting and sharing a little blurb feels good to me.  I'm inspired daily by my friends and followers (that feels funny to type and read), but how much is enough?  Would I ever be satisfied by what I viewed or shared?  What was the value of all of this supposed connectedness?  Could I walk away from it?  I'm not so sure.

I'll tell you what doesn't feel good about the whole thing, my son saying "Mom, you're always on your phone."

Ouch.  That stung.

Conversations quickly turned around and my 11 year old son wanted to know if he could get an Instagram account.  My immediate answer was in the negative.  I didn't really even think about why, just no.  My husband thought we should discuss and give our son a reason.  I channeled my mother and father and thought it's no because I said so.  Oh, that didn't fly with my calm, level-headed, reasonable husband.

And so we debated the use of social media for our son and the pros and cons of same.  In doing this, I had to analyze my usage and what I was modeling for him.  The word hypocrite was spoken and hung in the air like an imaginary anvil ready to hit me in the head.

I am a social media hypocrite.

I had to let the weight of that settle in.

Now, I can justify it until I'm blue in the face.  The fact is - it's true.  I love the inspiration and sweet faces of my friends' children as they come across my phone screen.  I like receiving prompts to visit a new blog post written by someone I know.  I guess I'm a voyeur at heart.  I enjoy memoirs, real stories, real people and even if this is glimpsed in a seemingly impersonal way, through my phone screen, it still feels personal to me.

Two of my friends recently posted about their struggles here and here.  I've taken these words to heart and reexamined what social media means to me and how I can achieve a balance with it.

I think for me, I just need to step back and take a little break.  I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, but I want balance in this area.  I get a lot of good out of the friendships and relationships I've made through social media, as funny as that may sound to some, and I'm not ready to give them up completely.

For my first move towards a lighter social media infatuation, I decided to delete the Facebook app from my phone over breakfast.  I told Grady what I was doing and he told me I didn't have to.  I explained to him my reasoning and told him that I wanted to.  I told him I wanted to be more present and that looking at Facebook on my phone wasn't that big of a deal.

He told me that when he talks to me it seems like I'm not listening to him when I'm looking at my phone.  He said sometimes I don't even hear him.  Oh, my.

It's not only Grady that it is disconnecting me from, but it's my husband, too.  I go to bed with my phone under the guise that I check the time on it, but lately I'm on it before I go to sleep scrolling through pictures and catching up on the day of my fellow social media "friends".  I wake up in the morning and check the time and check up on what everyone was doing via Instagram and Facebook…while I slept!  Really?  Yes, really.

Instagram is a beautiful place to visit, but I'm going to try to put my phone away more often.  Just enjoy the day without needing to see what others are up to every 15 minutes.  I'm not going cold turkey, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to use it less and enjoy the beauty and solitude of my days here at home.  It won't be easy, but I don't think it will be that hard either.

So, for the foreseeable future, I will do my best to concentrate on putting my phone away and really being present for my guys and myself.  Grady is on a permanent hold when it comes to social media and I'm hoping this phase will pass or I'll be more prepared when the talk rolls around again.

Old habits are hard to break.

Wish me luck.  Or don't, if you need a break from commenting, posting, sharing, liking...