Months, Not Days

{1.0 micron pen on paper 2015}

{This series was inspired by my son's sixth grade english assignment 

of writing for six minutes, without edits or overthinking it.

I'll be posting daily quick writes for the month of March.}

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about the way I have been describing my current break-up with alcohol.  Yesterday I hit the one-month milestone for not drinking.  I was using the new-to-me language of counting dry days and celebrating my first alcohol-free month milestone with some trepidation, coupled with feelings of shame.  Somehow my good intentions were starting to feel like deprivation and that, in turn, started to feel negative.

Instead, I decided that I want to focus on more mindful practices surrounding my drinking habits and what I'm choosing to do for myself that comes from a place of positivity, truth and clean living.  As of right now, I have no plans to return to imbibing full-bodied reds or artisan cocktails.  I reserve the right to change my mind, but as of right now I'm done.

I'm not jonesing for alcohol first thing in the morning or going off to sneak a drink.  That's not the relationship I've had with alcohol.  My relationship has been one of overindulgence once I start; the mantra that one more is more fun;  pouring drinks was my chosen profession for six years and I absolutely love to top off a glass of wine and use my martini shaker; and, an empty glass has symbolized the end of a good time (in my mind, at least).  I'm a social drinker and I've chosen to be social for years.  Eighteen to be exact.

So, I'm choosing to switch up the language I'm using and focus on the new positive aspects I'm adopting into my life.  Diet, exercise and a full night's sleep has definitely changed how I feel and I feel clearer and more free than I have in a long time.

Some may think this is evidence of denial or that I'm replacing a bad habit with another (although healthier) habit - but guess what?  I really don't care!  Isn't that fun?  For the first time in years, I really don't care what anyone else thinks about this topic.  If anything, I'm finding strength in believing in myself.  It's a journey, I know, but one I'm super excited to be on.

About half a dozen people have reached out through social media and emails to support me in this new phase of omitting alcohol from my life and to them I'd like to say a gigantic, heartfelt thank you.  Those two words don't seem like enough to let them know how much comfort I've taken from their stories, from their own struggles.  But it's all I've got to give right now.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Your words, stories and shared experiences have been like a salve this month and I'll be eternally grateful for your bravery in reaching out to me.

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Today is a new day.

I've decided I'm not counting dry days any longer.  Maybe I'll tally up months, but not days.  The counting of days feels like a hard, punitive (albeit self-imposed) sentence and it's left me feeling deprived and restricted.

Today is for living.

Today is for forgiving - myself + others.

Today is for showing up and doing the work.

Today is my favorite day.