Recalibrate

Line drawing
Micron pens + watercolor paper

I've been swimming in words and art lately.  I've completely immersed myself in poetry and library books - gaining knowledge and confidence from the written word.  I'm gathering up visual inspiration from artists I admire.  I'm having a creative surge right now and riding it out.

I've been typing and drawing; painting and scanning my work.  Making lists, doodling in my line-a-day journal, memorizing lines from poems I don't want to forget.  Photocopying bookmarked pages from books to hand out to friends who I feel must read this.

Organizing my workspace and editing paper and stray bits of this and that from my line of view.  I've been curating my home, doing the laundry and purging the refrigerator. All of this makes me feel so good and eager to create.

I haven't been inclined to cook this week and quickly surmise that my attention to meal planning is an art form, too.  I feel incapable of doing more than one creative thing at a time these past few string of days and the guys have been good sports with my last minute vegetarian meal options.

I feel intensely motivated about finishing the illustration project I accepted.  I'm fueled by the assignment and go to bed only to dream about lines and shapes and wonky circles taking shape as a bizarre species of flowers or a tight grouping of anemones [above].  I wake up and try to get it all on paper before I forget my ideas.

I gave myself permission to purchase a piece of art from one of my favorite illustrators and can't wait for it to arrive and hang it above my desk.

I'm riding the wave of this feeling.  I'm also sharing what I'm doing with others.  This is a huge shift for me.  Normally, I keep it all locked up inside where it's safe and mine alone to tinker with.  Saying what I'm working on out loud feels new and defiant and, ultimately, freeing.

I'm giving myself permission to do less stuff lately and purposely carving out blocks of time in my day to just work on art or read books.  I'm currently reading a book by Greg McKeown titled Essentialism :: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less.  It's a bit of a dry read, but the principles in the book are pretty simple.  Being busy is not necessary being productive.  You can spend a lot of energy in a lot of places and say yes to everything or…

You can carefully consider where you want to spend your time and consciously choose to spend your time and energy in one or two focused areas that have greater meaning for you.  This is a revelation for this gal.  I don't know about you, but I tend to say yes to a lot of different things and have long lived with the idea that I had to try and do it all.  I have a hard time saying no, especially to community volunteer requests.  However, I think I've hit volunteer burnout-mode.  Actually, I think I hit it last year but I'm only willing to admit it now.

It feels like flexing a different muscle when I'm consciously considering social invitations and volunteer gigs.  My years of saying yes have conditioned me to taking on more than I should, as an individual and even for our family, and that has left me depleted.  Exerting my voice and power of politely saying no will be a daily exercise for me, but I'm up to the challenge.  I feel like I need to be.

The upshot of all of this is that I feel more in control of my life.  I'm excited to wake up, jot down some words on paper or on my laptop, doodle in my journal and enjoy a cup of coffee.   Big changes are coming our way as a family and I want to slough off a few obligations and commitments to make room for this new phase of our lives.

The pace of my life is recalibrating.

I'll say yes to that.