Work in Progress

I've neglected this little blog space since the beginning of the year, but I think I'm finally ready to sit back down and write here on a more consistent basis.

So much has happened and I think that's what keeps me from posting.  I get overwhelmed and feel like I need to document everything and, well, that's just not possible.  And, so, I end up documenting nothing.  The jig is up and I'm attempting to sit down every morning before the guys wake up and get a little of it out of my head and into this space.  Here goes.

This year (to date) has been a lot about self-discovery and trying new things for me.

I kind of lost my identity after the sale of my business almost six years ago and retreated to the comfort and safety of my home and family.  That's mainly when I started writing in this space.  I wanted a way to document my simple life and to help me stay on course.  It was hard at first to be home alone with all of the quiet around me.  I was used to being the life of the party and the gal you came to if you wanted a recommendation on a good bottle of pinot noir.  I felt needed and at the center of things.

On one hand, I loved it.

On the other, I loathed it.

Once home full-time, I pored myself into cooking for my family.  I scoured cookbooks, blogs and swapped recipes with friends.  I started making bread and pizza dough.  I read My Life in France by Julia Child and Alex Prud'Homme and set about the task of perfecting her boeuf bourguignon.  Batches of granola, attempts at yogurt-making and getting schooled in the art of canning by my 83-year old neighbor all brought me tangible joy.

Grady had just started kindergarten and I felt like I had missed so much of his first five years.  I threw myself into his world, too, and volunteered at his school, joined the PTA and immersed myself in the things that he loved - books, nature and making art.  Kids are the greatest teachers.  He was fearless and funny.  His dress code of hot pink socks with Scottie dogs on them reminded me not to take life too seriously.  I like to think he got his keen sense for accessorizing from me.

After about six months of being home full-time, I was approached about doing some part-time office work a couple days a week.  At the time, I felt like this would ground me and keep me out of trouble.  I felt guilty for being home full-time while my husband was bringing home the bacon, so to speak.  The work I do is not my passion, but it has filled my weeks with structure.  I most definitely needed it after all of the years running a retail store and wine bar and all of the uncertainty that brought with it.

Here's where I'm going with all this.

I feel like it's taken me all of this time to figure out what it is I want to do.  All of the trips to the library, all of the museums and art shows I've attended, all of the blogs I've religiously read, all of the cooking experiments, all of the book club discussions I've attended, all of the trips to the beach at low tide, all of the movies & documentaries I've watched, all of the traveling I've done, all of it - has lead me to right now.

And what have I learned about myself?

Well, nothing very profound except that I'm a work in progress.

There is no definitive answer to what I want to do.  All I know for sure?  I want to make a little art.  I say that quietly because it scares me a bit, but it's true.

Earlier this year, I signed up for an online line drawing class with artist and illustrator, Lisa Congdon.  Instead of thinking about being an artist and being inhibited by it, I decided to do something about it and take the first step.  A class.  Yes, back to good old structure for me.  We were in Costa Rica when the first online class was up and it was a challenge to find trusty internet.  That class unlocked something in me and I haven't stopped drawing since.

I recognize that I have a love of graphic design, simple shapes and clean lines.  I made a list of what inspired me and began to pay attention to other things I was attracted to.

I started sharing my little doodles on Instagram and you know what?  It felt good.  It felt silly at first, but then it felt good.  There's something to be said about being seen.  The small community of Instagrammers that saw my feed and said nice things made me perk up.  They are helping me to see the beauty in my own world and I'm feeling braver and more open to share.

This little doodle above was one of my first entries in my drawing journal from last May.  This is where I started and the words seem so fitting.

grow.
reach.
seek.

More to come, my friends.