Carving Out the Life I Want

Creatively, I feel super fueled right now.  Giving myself permission to push things aside and make a mess at my kitchen table has been really freeing.  It's interesting for me to witness this shift at all because I'm usually so busy with regular life.  I might have missed this transformation, except I didn't.  I'm acutely aware of what's going on right now and I love it.  I chose it.  I'm making it happen.

I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago and when I asked how she was she replied rather casually, "You know, busy, as usual."  I found myself spouting out this nondescript answer a few days later and as the words were spilling out of my mouth I thought lame.  You are lame.  And, you are not that busy.  It was my automatic reply and I hated the sound of it.

First of all, I don't know a woman who isn't busy.  Seriously, all of the women I know are hard workers in the home and at their professions.  Juggling social obligations, charity work and family needs.  I came across the above graphic on Pinterest and decided to use it as my screensaver, so that it could serve as a daily reminder to stop saying the automatic I'm so busy and to set about clearing my schedule instead of adding more obligations to it.

Original art by the talented, Angela Miller
Mail from a new friend + my first paycheck for my writing from Mamalode Magazine

It feels like I'm flexing a new muscle and, to tell you the truth, it's not all that comfortable.  I'm not sure when I lost the ability to filter social invitations or community volunteer requests.  I think I'm always flattered by a request and really do like to bond over a meal or a good cause.  After years of doing this, I'm just toast.  Something had to give in this equation.  It was time.

Giving myself permission to attend a writer's workshop last month was the most generous thing I have done for myself in a long, long time.  Those stretch of days, surrounded by other creative souls, helped me to see that my life can be reinvented and enjoyed in a manner I have always craved, but just didn't have the guts to allow for me or my family. 

Design inspired by artist, Jen Hewett

I'm making art almost every morning and reading blogs and articles from people I admire, artists I want to learn from.  My day starts out beautiful and quiet and then the rest of the day (usually) follows suit.  It's absolutely intentional and seeing my life change its normal rhythm is pretty cool.

I'm showing up for my life and carving away the pieces that are stagnant and tired.  It's no wonder I have taken a shine to block carving lately.  It's a great metaphor for my life right this very moment.  I'm creating it, shaving off what's not necessary and seeing the beauty and simplicity in what remains.  If I like it, I can duplicate over and over again.

Taking control of our social calendar and only accepting those invitations that fit in with our schedule week-by-week feels good.  Releasing the feelings of trying to cram it all in is a tinge uncomfortable, but I'm quickly getting over it.  It's hard for me to say no to fun invitations, but I feel lighter and more free than I have in years.

Photo credit here

It's okay to say no.

It's okay to not be busy.

It's okay to not give excuses.

It's okay to say I can't go because I don't want to.

It's really okay.