Now.

"Mom, I want to paint this."

Inspired by Nici's recent post Now about her children, I wanted to use that framework for a post about what all of us are doing right now.  I love this idea, as days and weeks go by so quickly and I want to remember the little, everyday things that bring me joy as I witness our family in this rhythm of life we are currently in.

Grady
Ripped jeans with smiley faces written on the knees in black Sharpie
Devouring author Rick Riordan's Mark of Athena
at the table, in the bathroom, in his bed, in the car
New freckles are splashed across the bridge of his nose
Fresh scratch on his right knee
End-of-the-year thank you note-writing to all of his teachers
Flipping his head to the left to get his sandy blonde locks of hair to swing across his forehead just so
Lots of looking in the mirror
Wedgie wars with his father that I'll never understand
Purple. All. The. Time.
Negotiations for more iPad time
Black, slouchy knit cap to contain his mop of hair
Plucking blueberries off our our one and only bush & eating them like candy
Sucking honeysuckle and bringing in flowers for me to enjoy, too
Watering our sunflower baby seedlings
Making his own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Steve
Fixing, syncing, troubleshooting all of our tech devices
Playing blackjack with G
Showing our son the Honey Badger videos on Youtube (nice, eh?)

Me
Morning doodling in my art journal
Too much coffee, always
Experimenting with embroidery
Searching for a new typewriter on Craig's List
Reorganizing every file in our file cabinets
144 pages into a 737 page book
Baking these blueberry oatmeal cookies with lemon glaze

Home
Local farmers are making hay
Grasses surrounding our home are over five feet tall
Volunteer opium poppies are blooming in the back garden
Newly planted nasturtiums bring hope for more edible flowers
I just discovered out oven has been 100 degrees off for the past seven years

Later today we will join in the celebration for the release party for the 5th volume of the literary magazine The West Marin Review.  One of Grady's watercolors will be featured and we are quite the proud parents.

Happy Sunday, folks.

Happy first day of June, too.

Home :: Ordinary AND Beautiful

Yesterday was one of those ordinary, uneventful days around here.  You know, the kind where you go to work, run errands, thrift (doesn't everybody thrift when they head into into town?), come home, throw a few loads of laundry in, think about what to make for dinner and putter around the house. Yeah, well, it was one of those days and it was really beautiful.

There was this feeling in the air that I can't quite put my finger on.  The windows were all thrown wide open earlier in the day due to the forecasted high temperatures.  The rooms were tidy and calm.

I jumped online and finished booking our flights to Alaska.  I've been working on shifting travel arrangements around all week and it felt so good to push "purchase" and solidify our family vacation plans for August.  I took Grady last year and wrote about it here and here.  This year, we're going as a family and dropping off our boy at the same week long marine mammal science camp in Homer.  We are all pretty happy about making this happen.

It was a truly exceptional mail day today when I popped by the post office.  I received my limited edition Ghost Mountain print by the talented artist, Lisa Congdon.  Her blog is aptly called Today is Going to be Awesome.  I love everything she does and will be taking a professional illustration class from her at the Makeshift Society next month.  Check her out.

Thrift + Consignment Finds :: Stripes are taking over my wardrobe

Nothing was on our social calendar for the rest of the afternoon (or evening) and that was a welcome, intentional change.  I threw on a cute new slinky dress recently purchased from a local consignment store and Grady asked me if we were having company over tonight for dinner.  We most definitely were not having people over.  I guess his line of questioning means I need to dress up more often.  It felt good getting out of my standard winter garb of leggings, tank top and ratty cardigan.  The season is definitely shifting and it felt like I could actually feel it happening in real time tonight.

Salmon season opened up a few weeks ago and so I decided to drive the curvy seven mile stretch of highway to Bodega Bay to pick up salmon for dinner.  The thermostat in the kitchen read 80 degrees and it was definitely too hot to cook inside tonight.  Steve was still working in his office and Grady was creating some kind of monster world in his art studio.  I jumped in the car, rolled down the windows and headed towards the coast.

Perfecting a new summer cocktail has been on my to-do list (yes, really) and I set about mixing up two Negronis for myself and the husband.  I nailed it on the first try and used the last of the blood oranges that I harvested from the orchard that surrounds the office where I work part-time in town.  They were refreshing and a nice change from the usual wine with dinner.

The tall weeds in our fields are reaching for the sky and most are taller than I am.  The late afternoon light setting over the hills has been a photographer's dream.  (Note to self - get out there tomorrow night and photograph your family!)

We ended the day by sitting around the living room, each of us with a book and sporadically checking our phones or jumping on the computer to look something up.  I watched a few episodes of 30 Rock and decided to hit the hay.

I shut a few of the windows and tidied up the kitchen table, wiped the counters down and went in to check on Grady and kiss him goodnight.  His room felt still and warm.  I lowered his blinds and left his window cracked open to let the cool evening air in.

Today was ordinary and absolutely beautiful.  

I climbed into bed and read a few blog posts from writers that I've recently met and smiled at our new connectedness.  I'm noticing how I'm consciously surrounding myself with all of the things that I love lately.  Good food and drink, my family, art, books, friends and nature.  I especially like when all of those things come together under one roof.  Our home.

Tonight our home felt like it hugged us and this little post is my hug back.

weekending :: mother's day

Artwork circa 1976

Mother's Day always feels a little loaded to me.  I know I have a lot of quiet expectations for the day and sometimes I wrestle with those feelings.

My husband's mom died when he was six years old.  He didn't get the chance to go to her funeral.  Shortly thereafter, he had a very stoic, unaffectionate step-mother that raised him for all of those in between years until he went to college (and then his parents divorced).  I always kind of expect him to show Grady how to celebrate me on Mother's Day and you know what?  He doesn't really have those tools in his tool box.

Don't get me wrong, he does the best he knows how to do - but not having a mom who dotes on you or showers you with love and affection can really tweak the way you love people.

Grady growing like a weed among our weeds

With the help and inspiration of Mamalode, I decided to throw a little Mother's Day Eve party with a handful of my friends who are also mothers.  If you're reading this and you know me, well, you know I love the eve of just about anything - birthdays, xmas, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day.   It was completely low key.  Everyone brought appetizers and a bottle of wine.  Husbands dropped their wives off and picked them up when it was all said and done.

We sipped on a lot of sparkling wine, told funny stories, talked about schools, cursed a fair amount and laughed really hard.  I don't get to see these moms very often, but it felt so good to come together and share our journey of motherhood.  I'm absolutely going to do this again next year.

My husband and son usually cook and clean up on mother's day.  This year was no exception.  I woke up early and grabbed my pillow, blanket and book and sat outside watching the sunrise until both of my guys woke up.

My silly models posed for me while I figured out my Polaroid Land Camera settings
Steve's hair is epic in these photos

Steve taught Grady how to make me coffee and fixed breakfast while I doodled and painted at the kitchen table in my art journal.

Grady retreated to his art studio for most of the day, surfacing only to make himself a PB&J and to grab more books and supplies from his bedroom.

My husband decided to give me the best present.  Wait for it . . . we purged several of our kitchen cabinets and loaded up my car with donations for the thrift store.  I know, I know - romantic, right?  He also cleaned up his office and tidied up the garage.  Usually, he's working for most of the day on Mother's Day, but today he was available and present and that was the best gift.  All of us together working on the house and/or our projects.

Blurry Polaroid Landcamera photo using black/white film
Mother's Day 2014

I also realized that asking for what I want on Mother's Day is okay.  Often times I just suppress it and hope my guys read my mind.  This year, I asked for the house to myself the evening before Mother's Day to celebrate with my friends.  I asked Grady to make me a card.  I asked for us to do a project together (and we did).  So, even though my husband's emotional Mother's Day toolbox was rusty, he totally came through and showed my son how to quietly celebrate me.

And nothing makes a Virgo mom happier than a reorganized kitchen and a homemade card.

Nothing.

Full Circle :: Write Doe Bay

Write Doe Bay :: micron pens on kraft paper

Circles are omnipresent in my life.  I seek them out, create them and wear their symbol around my neck or wrist as often as I can.  They are beautiful, unique and calming.  There have no hard edges and feel complete to me.  Looking around my home I notice circular windows and mirrors line my living room walls, fabrics with little round oblong discs cover my desk chair, area rugs with giant dot motifs selectively cover my douglas fir floors and my drawings of anemone-like shapes are temporarily pasted on the walls above my desk.  Lately, drawing circles feels like quiet meditation and I can't seem to stop.

I've been reading a book by Leonard Koren about the Japanese aesthetic of wabi-sabi.  He states that wabi-sabi is a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.   It is a beauty of things modest and humble.  It is a beauty of things unconventional.  Once I started thinking about it, I figured out that circles (like the kind I've been drawing) and people are not all that different.  There is so much beauty in the perfectly imperfect.

This weekend I met a lot of circles at Write Doe Bay and slowly over the course of days, we gathered up with all of our differences, expectations, fears and stories and slowly came together like this drawing.  Some had quiet voices, some hardy and loud.  Others were funny, gregarious and self-deprecating.  Some were really good dancers (you know who you are).  The circles I gravitated towards were respectful, honest and made me feel safe enough to share the unedited version of my true story for the very first time.

All were brave.

This workshop dug up one of my earliest childhood memories of writing.  It was in Mrs. Burke's 5th grade classroom back in 1980.  I can still see little 10 year old me making small careful tiny loops across the page, wanting my cursive writing to be neat and readable.  The little Virgo in me wanted it just so, as well as getting the Super! note from the teacher it would receive.  I set about to carefully illustrate the words that sprang from my young mind and settled on a pale blue surround using a half broken crayon plucked from the stash in my desk.  There was bare white space in the middle of the page shaped like an ice-skating rink where my words would rest.  I'd like to share it with you here:

ICE SKATING

I'm learning to skate on the ice,

It really is quite nice

I can skate very well,

Though it is hard to dwell

I glide on the ice like a seal,

Though it is not very real

It's only a dream,

A great big dream

I'm learning to skate on the ice

This weekend felt like my first ice skating lesson.   I ended up performing circuitous figure eights with 37 other human beings on a pristine, far-flung piece of land in the San Juan Islands off of the coast of Washington at Doe Bay Resort.  It was exhilarating, hilarious, emotional and a bit like summer camp all rolled into one.

Going into the weekend, I didn't really know what to expect.  It started off a bit bumpy, but leveled off once we started to get to know one another and hear the storytellers in the room.  My heart cracked open at the truth spilling from people's mouths, listening to lyrics written by introspective and talented songwriters and succinct, heartfelt words spoken clearly and softly from poets.

What I went to Doe Bay to do was learn how to write a little better and/or learn about people's discipline and their writing process, but what I actually learned was how to have a little more empathy for humanity.  Everyone has a story.  The next time someone cuts me off on the highway or says something rude to me, I'm going to pause and try and remember that they, too, have a story.  The difference?  I just haven't heard it yet.

Thirty-three years later and I'm attempting to write a little poetry as my new daily practice.  That's what inspired me most this weekend.  And here is my offering today:

FULL CIRCLE

a raw bundle of emotions 
lay dormant in the pit of me
quite often left alone 
buried deep and dark

jumbled like a ball of yarn
messy and tangled
eager for order

the trigger to release them is fickle
country music 
an unexpected kiss good night
a locked gaze with a new friend
too many cocktails
the truth

they dart through my body looking for an exit
and climb out of my mouth 
and leak from my eye sockets
and reach for a warm body to hold

once busted out of their prison cell
they are wild and frenetic
unpredictable in their path

out in the open they swirl through the air
and land on people and objects around me
quietly, silently absorbed 

my heart open
softly pounding
head down
shoulders shuddering

received
...or not 
finally free

the ones too scared to be outside of me

quickly float back 

softer, lighter

to be collected 

savored

cherished

accepted

i tuck them away carefully 

back into the dark pit

with sweet acknowledgement 

in knowing they have traveled

full circle.

Million Days of May

May seems like it has a million days in it, which can be good and bad.

The winds have been relentless lately.  Wind is the hardest of weather conditions for me to deal with.  It looks beautiful outside, but you can't be out there.  The sun is shining, but you are stuck inside with a runny nose and doped up on allergy medication.  Yuck.

I've just been put on high blood pressure medication and that freaked me out a little bit.  I've been battling it ever since I was pregnant with Grady, but somehow putting me on a long-term medication really hit the issue home.

I've been trying to get out there and run, but with all the pollen wafting in the air it feels like I'm only making matters worse.  I'm also working on reducing the amount of animal products I consume and focusing on preparing healthier meals for me and my family.

Actually, I love this kind of stuff (not the high blood pressure and visits to Kaiser) because it helps me to refocus my energies and take stock of my life.  I've felt a tightness in my chest over the last few months and I chalked that up to stress and being busy.  I hate that word :: busy.  Every woman I know is busy.  I want to un-busy myself, focus on creating art and beauty in my life, share more meals with friends and family and release those things that weigh me down.  I'm a work in progress.

Maker Faire Shenanigans
G's 10 year old physical exam obligatory mom photo

Steve picked up the parental festival duties and took Grady to Maker Faire a few weeks ago.  I wrote a little bit about it here and here.  It's all about science, innovation, technology, creating and making things.  The crowds were huge this year and the highlight for Grady was watching the Coke-Mentos bottle rocket demo.  Yes, a father-son outing for sure.

Arann Harris & The Farm Band
G's pop-up art sale
G + Kristin, his former preschool teacher & fellow artist

Oysterpalooza hit Valley Ford over Memorial weekend and so we walked into town to see a few of our favorite bands, visit with the locals and G set up shop under a big 'old pine tree to sell his artwork.

G really had a blast playing with new friends he met at the festival, handing out his new business/social  cards and hay bale hopping until the festival shut down around 9 pm.  He used to be one of the kids dancing right in front of the stage, but those days are long gone.  Now he roamed the back garden area with his cohorts, only checking in with me every once in awhile.

We're still making our weekly pilgrimage down the highway to Bloomfield Farms to harvest our weekly vegetables.  G is learning how to identify different lettuces, greens and teaching me how to harvest kale.

We picked broccoli last week and I ended up making a batch of broccoli soup.  Now, I remember back to the days where my son would only consume Odwalla's Green Juice and a cheese quesadilla.  Well, happily, those days are long gone.  I've worked really hard over the past five years to get him to ingest more than a chicken, cheese, tortillas and PB&J.  It has been a long, long road and I'm happy to report that he ate my broccoli soup.  He didn't love it or want seconds, but he ate it without putting up a fight or trying to negotiate how much he actually had to eat.  He just ate it.  Sweet Jesus!

I attribute the above feat to the fact that he hand-picked the broccoli and had ownership of that thick, rich bowl of mama-made love.  Well, that's my theory anyway.

The winds drove us into the library on a school night last week.  I had just finished my book club selection State of Wonder by Ann Patchett and was itching to get out of the house.  All three of us drove into town and loaded up on books, videos and had a little respite from the howling breezes surrounding our little abode.

G's idea studio
Local dairy cows
My favorite sign

We attended the Open House at Tomales Elementary School and brought home mounds of graded schoolwork, the finished Mission Project Model and G met his future 5th grade teachers.

The 4th through 8th grade classes went to Cal Skate on Friday.  I was a little bit nervous about G going because I didn't want him to hurt himself.  If my husband is reading this :: Stop rolling your eyes!  Yes, I am a bit of a worrier.  Be careful is my mother's mantra and, yes, she passed it down to me.

Needless to say he left the house with a pocket full of quarters, his favorite ripped up pants and kissed me on the cheek.  I'll be okay mom.  Tell you all about it after school.  

No broken bones to report.

We spent the afternoon in Stinson Beach over the weekend celebrating a dear friend's birthday.  We were there a matter of 10 minutes and our son quickly changed into his board shorts, hopped on this paddle board (1st time ever being on one) and paddled across the lagoon, tied it up and proceeded to climb into a total stranger's hot tub.  He was soaking for about 30 minutes and then leisurely returned to us with the biggest smile I've ever seen.  So out of character for this careful, quiet boy.  We all had a good laugh at his boldness and I'm sure the hot tub owners got a chuckle out of this kid, too.

Stinson Beach afternoon with the Matthews & Tuchbands

We spent the afternoon reminiscing, storytelling and watching our children enjoy the first (windless) day of June.

Mission Accomplished

If you live in California and you are in fourth grade, doing a California Mission Report is a rite of passage.  I helped organize G's fourth grade class field trip to the California Mission Museum, which was located on the beautiful grounds of Cline Cellars in Sonoma.

The tour and scavenger hunt were at no cost to the school and we had a picnic lunch in their beautiful gardens.

The kids were rapt with attention and quickly went around the room looking for the mission that they had researched all year long and recently completed building a model of that mission.  The students rang the mission bell, fed the mission donkeys and cruised the grounds burning off their pre-teen energy bursts.

We also went to see the 21st (last) mission built in California, the Mission San Francisco Solano located just off the square in the town of Sonoma.  Our docent was downloading facts as fast as she could, as we were pressed for time at the end of our day.  An outstanding day of California history and I was impressed with the attention span of our gang of 10 year olds.  I learned quite a bit, too.

This week was the last chess class at Tomales Elementary School.  I asked the five chess tournament participants to wear their medals and/or bring their trophies to school for a group photo.  We ended the chess session with chess-inspired sweets & the promise that everyone would play chess over the summer.  I'm so proud of these students and look forward to helping the PTA build permanent chess tables on the school campus next year.

I'm missing my sister quite a bit this week.  She's been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and I worry about her health and my three nieces.  I have got to make a plan to get out to New York for a visit.  Sending you my love, Traci Ann.

Business Cards + Pollock Project

Grady's business card order arrived and he loved all of them.  I ordered a small box from Moo.com, with about a dozen different card covers.  He's been handing them out to friends at school and a few farmers we know.  His occupation is stated as :: Artist.  So cute.

I had the opportunity to work on an end-of-year teacher present with Grady's class this week.  I used an old board that was painted with chalkboard paint and extra house paint I found around the house.  I had done this Pollack project with G's class when they were kindergartners and they loved splattering the paint on this make-shift canvas.  They also were great in deciding what color(s) needed to be added and hid secret messages written in splatters to their unsuspecting teacher, Mr. D.

Bloomfield Farms

Our weekly sojourn to Bloomfield Farms was rewarded with a pop-up, pay-what-you-can farm brunch with guest chef, John Lyle.  We picked our weekly veggie haul and brunched with a few other families before my sinuses kicked in and I sneezed myself all the way home.

I also made an easy strawberry balsamic jam and helped make a double batch of chicken paté with friend and neighbor, Jill.  Having that stash of paté will be great for spur of the moment entertaining, as well as a quick dinner substitute when paired with the fancy Trisquits & cheese.

We were lucky enough to witness the California Amgen Bike Tour come through Valley Ford on Sunday.  We walked down to the end of lane, grabbed a cow bell & cheered on the two leaders and the massive peloton.  It was over in about a minute.

The artichoke harvest has been big this year.  We typically don't cook the chokes, as they are not too meaty and have been on the small side (and filled with bugs & critters!).  I learned a new way to prepare them and that I should cut them in half, remove the choke, slather them with olive oil, salt and pepper and bake them under aluminum foil for about an hour.  They were still on the small side, but tasty.

G as Mr. Demsher

This week was Spirit Week at G's school.

Monday :: Pajama Day
Tuesday :: Twins Day (G and his bestie dressed alike)
Wednesday :: Teacher-Student Switch Day (aka - Dress Like You're a Teacher)
Thursday :: Crazy Day (G wore two different shoes & his shirt backwards.  Crazy, eh?)
Friday :: Wear Orange + Field Trip to Cal Skate with the 4th thru 8th grade classes

The girls are back.  Yes, Jim & Beaula's llamas were moved to the pasture behind our house, where they will "summer" until late fall.  It's such a sight to see these beautiful, quiet, big-eyeballed creatures.  They are such wise, fierce protectors.  Grady loves waking up to them just outside his window.  Actually, so do I.  They give me a scare some mornings when I wake up groggy and half blind without my glasses, but they make me smile and laugh at myself, too.

I've decided to open up my blog to a few friends I've met via instagram.  I just love reading the raw honesty and perusing the amazing imagery on Maggie's blog and I've been quite inspired by Natalie's embroidery on instagram and crafting on her blog, too.  Natalie used to live just a few miles down the road from me in the tiny hamlet of Two Rock Valley and now resides in Kodiak, Alaska.  We never met while she lived here, but I feel like I know her.  It's funny how connecting through social media feels strange and strangely safe.  I've enjoyed sharing my life in pictures with this new medium & words with friends and strangers, who no longer feel like strangers to me.  I feel a connectedness that I just haven't felt with a lot of people as I've gotten older.  I feel like these women and mamas get me and/or accept me.  It's a new feeling, for sure, and I guess it's like a clean slate.  I'm trying it on for size and opening my heart to meet new people, virtually and in person.

This week I was on a mission.  Literally & figuratively.  

I think I have arrived at my destination and it feels good.

A Mother of a Week

Artichokes plucked from the sole bush we have in our yard.  Homemade yogurt attempted, again.  Third time's the charm, as they say.  Dinner consists of the first heirloom tomato of the season, plus avocado + mozzarella.  Yes, food has been on my mind this week and all the cookbook reading I've been doing has inspired me in the kitchen lately.

We ate out on the deck for the first time this week.  The mornings have been grey and foggy, but it all burns off by noon and we're left with this sprawling view of the valley floor.  The farmers have been busy haying and my sinuses want to have a chat with them about that...

State Star testing took place this week at school and G was pretty stressed about the government knowing his test results and if it would affect his ability to make the Principal's List for this trimester.  I calmed his nerves and talked it through with him.  He's such a smart, sensitive kid.  I can't get enough of him lately.

He purchased these shoes above with part of a birthday gift certificate from Target and some of his birthday cash.  He thinks he looks really cool now and I'd have to agree.  He also splurged on a few new books and frozen yogurt.  It really takes so little to make him happy. 

I packaged up some homemade granola for a few of his teachers in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week.  I love the note (above) he wrote to his music teacher, Mr. Nokes.  Out of the mouths of babes, as the saying goes.

We attended the Salmon Creek Young Artists Show, which consisted of different mediums by the 7th and 8th grade students.  I think it's so important to honor children's artwork and having a show does just that.

Grady's school hasn't had a dedicated art teacher since January and that bums me out.  We've supplemented his art lessons with a private teacher and he spends a good amount of time in his playhouse-turned-art studio working on little projects using many different mediums.  I love knowing he's out there creating art that makes him happy.

The big event of the weekend was the Chess for Kids Scholastic Chess Tournament.  It was a first for us and five students from Tomales Elementary School signed up and rose to the challenge.

The kids were playing against other kids in their same grade level, but from different schools.  There were three rounds and no parents were allowed in the gym during play.  The children slowly emerged one by one and reported out about their matches.

In the end, all participants received a medal or a trophy based on their standings.  The kids were beaming as they walked out of the double doors and looked for me.  I gave them the praise they deserved and felt such mama pride.  Oh, and we won the grand raffle prize of a portable chess set.  See?  Everyone won something!

Speaking of mama pride, Mother's Day was on Sunday.  And while I didn't sleep in, I did rise early, check email, edit a few photos and make a big pot of coffee.  My guys are not early risers and that was okay with me.  I enjoyed the quiet and calm the early morning afforded me.

I enjoyed my time alone reading and checking in on fellow mamas on instagram.  Steve ended up making a double batch of pancakes and that helps me with breakfast for the next few weeks, as I'm the parent on morning duty during the school week.

I read a stack of magazines and library cookbooks in the sunshine on my deck.  Heaven.  Grady fashioned me two homemade cards that just melted my heart.  We had a big 'ole pan of nachos for lunch and ended the day with cocktails and a mean game of Scrabble.  Steve grilled a juicy steak for us and steamed some volunteer potatoes he harvested from our compost bin earlier in the week.  We dug around in the fridge for salad fixings.  It was perfect.

I didn't win at Scrabble, but I sure did win at this mothering gig.